A Heavenly Scare

I can't believe I quit writing so quickly after the beginning of the year-New Year's Resolutions...aargh! I'm not feeling inspired to write anything insightful, but I want to keep trying to make writing a habit, so today I'm going to copy down a journal entry I wrote a few weeks ago... We had a scary experience last night (8/16). We went camping at Hope Campground up the Provo Canyon. Beck had so much fun walking around & playing with sticks & rocks. He wore his flannel to match Daddy, but then Daddy didn't bring his flannel (or any warm clothes). After our dinner of shrimp & crab we laid Beck down in our tent. To our surprise he barely whimpered & fell right to sleep. After too many s'mores we also crawled in bed. Unfortunately the tent zippers woke Beck up & he felt his 2 1/2 hour nap was good enough. He exploded into hyper sleep-deprived mode. It was cute & funny for about 10 minutes before we realized he wasn't going to calm down. He was crawling over us, scratching, pulling hair & falling down with his head smacking the ground. He wasn't safe to himself. Ben finally had too much and we decided maybe Beck needed familiarity. Ben took him to the car and put him in his carseat. A long while later they returned to the tent, but neither of their moods had changed. Beck was still out of control and Ben was exhausted and at his wits' end. We tried to ignore Beck but he was inflicting pain on us and himself. Finally I told Ben to just go strap him in the car and crack the window open. My hope was that he'd tire himself out quickly but in a confined space where he'd be safe. Also he'd be away from us. I had a bad feeling about putting him in the car. He'd be away from us, but then I thought that he always sleeps in his own room away from us. There are always horror stories on the news of kids being left in cars and I was thinking of how warm the car might get before he woke up in the morning. Also I didn't want him sitting in the car and thinking we had left him. Ben took him and I told myself he'd be fine only 50 feet away with the window open so we could hear him. We went to sleep and it seemed like Beck had accepted it and went straight to sleep. Some time later I was pulled out of sleep by faint crying. There had been a crying baby further away and I thought it was her until the crying didn't stop. I told Ben that Beck was crying and asked if he'd locked the car. He barely muffled a sleepy no. I hurried out of my sleeping bag and out of the tent. I had to go around to the far side of the car and as I opened the door I looked for Beck in his carseat. He wasn't there. In the dark I could barely make out anything and Beck's cries still sounded muffled. I looked around quickly and there face-down on the floor was my baby. In the way time often is during panic mode, the next 30 seconds happened in slow motion. The front seat was reclined and I fumbled to get it out of the way before I could get to Beck. Confused and scare I wondered why Ben put him to sleep on the floor before I realized Beck hadn't been strapped in and had fallen on the floor. As I picked him up I feared the worst and prepared myself for blood and a broken nose or worse. Straining in the moonlight to see, I scooped Beck up and wrapped him in his blanket. He instantly cuddled into me and, with his binkie, went back to sleep. I carried him back to the tent and carefully laid him down with love and safety between his parents. I told Ben what had happened and asked why he hadn't strapped Beck in. At the time I was seething mad and couldn't believe my husband could be so selfishly careless. He voiced to me that he'd thought Beck would be okay and was thinking to himself, "Well, why didn't you tell me to strap him in." By wings of a prayer we got home very late and still showered and made it to 1:00 church with time to spare. As I sat through the meetings the events played themselves out in my mind again and again. I finally found peace as I realized that our son is protected. I believe the Lord tried to tell me there was trouble ahead. He knew beforehand that Ben would not strap him in and tried to warn me. Ben had the same promptings and also decided it would be okay because it was like sleeping in his room. I don't know what happened in the car. Maybe Beck used the reclined chair as a stair and climbed down onto the floor. Maybe he slid out of his chair like he does when we get him out. Or maybe he fell out as he groped around in the dark. What I do know now is that when his parents had failed him, the hand of the Lord protected him. I now that Beck found a cushion beneath him and loving arms around him. I know that when he was scared, his Heavenly Father comforted him and with patience called out again to tell me my son was in need. I'm grateful for the Savior who has allowed for repentance after neglect. I am glad for a loving Heavenly Father who understands and wants us to succeed. I'm especially grateful that the Lord knows my son and holds him up in his time of need.