Oh Boy

My house stinks! It has been nice in Utah lately so the windows can be wide open, but as soon as they're closed my nose thinks it's standing in a public swimming pool shower room. I've tried every air freshening technique on the earth and nothing has taken it away. Going out of my mind a few days ago, I asked Ben, "Do you think it smells in here? What do you think the smell is?" Without looking up from his book he replied, "It stinks like perfume and candles." I share this story not to start a fight with my husband, but to illustrate a topic that's recently been on my mind: how am I supposed to raise a boy. I grew up in a family with six girls and remember friends and relatives jovially laying on us a curse to have all boys when we were grown. So far the ratio of boys to girls in our up-and-coming generation is 4:2. To that we could send a curse back on all their heads! Raising Beck has been pretty easy thus far, but Ben is gone quite a bit and will be more so as we move into summer. I wonder what kind of impact that might have on Beck and whether there is anything I can do to counteract it. Also, I figured it was about time I start to figure out how this person we call a boy will think and develop differently than the little girls with which I'm much more familiar. I'm not looking to get caught up in the trends of the day or a bunch of scientific mumbo-jumbo, but do want a knowledge and better understanding of how Beck's brain is developing and what I can do as a parent to help him grow up confident and happy. Fortunately, I found a book titled The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian which so far has given me some insightful information. Reading first about the way an infant boy's brain develops differently than a girl's encouraged me to continue along with my questioning. Generally, the part of the brain connecting the two sides of the brain has far fewer/slower connectors in young boys than in young girls. Having more connectors helps girls to multi-task while the development of the connectors in a boy's brain later manifest themselves in a singularly task-oriented approach to work and activities. More simply put, boys will tend to complete one project or thought before moving onto the next, while girls are working on several different ideas at a time. I know I see that difference between myself and Ben, and so it was interesting to understand the reasoning behind it. The next information I found intriguing in the book actually quite surprised me. Not because I don't believe it's true, but because it's not a topic the mainstream media emphasizes anymore. Mr. Gurian stressed the need to use strong men in the Bible, Koran, and other scriptures as role models for our sons. We teach our kids the great stories from the scriptures, but I'm intrigued by the idea of really using the men in those stories as guides and examples of who they can become. If we're faith-believing people, then we believe Moses, Noah, Nephi, or Alma were living breathing people to be studied and looked up to for their strengths and their weaknesses. Boys need those examples to emulate as they learn to make choices of their own. A particular stress has been made in what I've read so far for boys to have a large group of people surrounding them as they learn and grow. This will be the part that is hardest for me. I'm private and independent and I've known from the day Beck was born that branching out would be difficult for me. I'm extremely fortunate, in that regard, to have Ben's family so close and so outreaching. The number of cousins for Beck to watch and learn from is an initial blessing, but his uncles are outwardly loving and active and a little crazy and create an additional comfort to me. I'm grateful as I look forward, as well, for programs in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that place a focus on raising healthy and happy boys. Without me having to step too far out of my comfort zone, those two communities will always be there to provide an additional support system. My little boy is growing. He's already two! Having a question in my head on how to raise him and then starting to research that question has assured me that I'm doing okay. I know that I need to play with him more when Ben's away and when Ben's home I need to let the two of them rough-house until they cry. I know that one day Beck won't want as many hugs from me and won't be so cute smelling candles with me while we're shopping. But he is going to grow up loving me and that already means everything.