The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints held their annual General Conference this weekend.  Available almost immediately world-wide via internet streaming and radio broadcast, I still appreciate the blessing of living in Utah and being able to watch it live on network tv.  This year I tried to keep my boys interested with coloring pages and crafts that taught the names of the leaders who were speaking.  For the first time in many years I was able to enjoy all four sessions without too many child distractions.  

So many of the messages spoke directly to troubles or worries I have in my life, but the talk I can't get out of my head today was by Elder Lynn G. Robbins.

The difference between "doing" and "being."  I asked my husband last night what he needs from me-how I can be a better wife and make his life more enjoyable.  I was expecting a long list of chores like "put away the laundry instead of leaving it folded in the clothes basket for a week" and "have all the toys put away when I get home from work at the end of the day."  Instead he poured out his heart with his desires for me to remember the beautiful person I was when we were first together.  He didn't have a big gold star to award me when I finished a checklist of household duties.  Instead he shared the pain he feels as he sees me pulling away from him and our kids, and his fear that one day I will wake up not able to remember what it means to be happy.

Now, there's no need to rush out and put me into therapy.  I have spent a lot of time lately very introverted and selfishly looking only at me.  There's a slippery slope in that and I've allowed myself to start down it.  Not too far down, though and to see that today is very refreshing.

The reason it matters to me so much all of a sudden?  A great opportunity to fulfill a dream has opened up unexpectedly.  It's the right time and will be incredibly successful, but I don't have my cards in order.  Quite a few other messages given this weekend stressed the importance of being ready for the blessings of eternity when they become available to you.  Obviously I'm already married and have two beautiful little boys; what I've neglected to work on is my time management and putting them at the center of my life.  It's hard to convince them that starting a huge new endeavour won't leave them even more in the peripheral of my eye.

And so, that is what I am starting on today.  Rededicating myself to the small and simple things-daily prayer and scripture study, listening and praising, putting away the laundry and maybe even helping wash the dishes.  The other project is going to move forward and that's exciting as well as scary.  Hopefully re-creating the strength of love for my family, myself, and my relationship with my Heavenly Father will be the piece of the puzzle that makes this upcoming venture attainable.