To Be Loved

I had the privilege to attend a talk by Elvin R. Tanner last week.  He is an accomplished psychologist and professor.  He and his wife live in my church ward and are such a great example.  Married more than 50 years, they still dote over each other and can count the number of arguments they've had on one hand.  The topic of the talk was love.  Any lecture with such generic subject matter has the possibility of being very bland, but my heart was touched.  The Lord gently reproved me for laziness in my most important relationships and encouraged me through expert advice to wake on a new day and share my love in the way He shares His love with me every day.

"Do you know how hard it is to love a porcupine?"

Think about that for a moment.  Originally the question was asked by a mother to her contentious teenage daughter (thanks, Emily, for sharing).  Tired of hearing her daughter proclaim, "You don't love me!", the mother decided to pull her aside and explain this very simple life lesson.  It changed their relationship tremendously.

Are teenagers the only prickly people on the planet?  Definitely not.  It is humbling to think of how I would hate to be greeted at the end of a work day by a grumbling spouse or harangued with a "honey-do" list a mile long and an equal amount of criticism to go along with it.  How would I react if every time I tried to get attention, the people most important in my life brushed me off with an abrupt, "I'm busy right now," or "I don't have time."  

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable." -Benjamin Franklin

Do you know a person without the desire to be loved?  Of course not.  But, how many people do you know who are completely content in all of their relationships?  There are some out there, and what a delight they are to know and learn from; their countenances truly shine.   I fear, however, that there are far more people out there in a situation similar to mine.  Quick to point out faults and pick apart weaknesses.  We're not a world full of Peggy Bundy bon-bon eaters, but we do spend too much effort wondering why our friends don't reach out to us more often and why our family members are distant.  

We need to pour out sincere, unselfish love on a daily basis.  It needs to become a habit in our everyday lives.  Learn what makes your husband smile and do it.  Pay attention to your child's latest passion, learn about it, and engage them.  Smile when your loved ones are around and surprise them with unexpected praise.  Maybe it's become a habit to complain with friends about everything wrong in the world.  Next time you get together, spread compliments around on what wonderful women they are.  Or, better yet, pay attention to their normal complaints and troubles. I guarantee we're missing out on ample opportunities for service and love when we spend our days only focusing on what we want and what we're missing. 

"You selected him."

A recent study concluded that women are stressed because their husbands are ugly. They determined that while courting and as newlyweds, we are blinded to a person's look by the good things they do and love they pour out upon us.  Over the years, as the courting ends we're left with the less-than-attractive facade covering a realistically attractive inner being.  My husband and I have gotten a fair share of joking out of these findings, but there is real inspiration in it.  In most cases the person we wed on our wedding day is the same person we were married to the next day and the same person we are still married to today.  Our rose-colored glasses may be fading enough to allow us to see some of their shortcomings, but those have probably existed from day one and they may have even been endearing way back then.  

My point is, he's the person you chose to fall in love with.  I'm not implying that the world is inhabited by women who hate the man their married to, but we do, as whole, tend to be a little critical.  We knit-pick and nag.  I'm suggesting that the next time we feel the fleeting urge to complain again about the dirty socks on the floor or argue about who should change the oil in the car, that we should stand back and sneak a look at the man standing before us.  I hope the person we allow ourselves to see standing before us is the man and the tender spirit we chose to love all those years ago.

"Love is a spiritual attitude. As you love God, love your mate."

Love is a gift from God.  He has given it to us asking little in return.  To spread it amongst the people we meet.  To make the world a better place by sharing love with others.  To remember Him and all we have been given.  

This was my "ah-ha" moment while listening to this lecture on love.  My Heavenly Father has given me more love than I deserve and continues to pour it out upon me.  His Son made the sacrifice to come to the Earth and leave a followable example of how to administer love perfectly.  There is not a chance that my earthly relationships will flourish if I am not fully cultivating my spiritual relationship with they who embody the essence of love.  As I become closer to them, pray to them, and seek for guidance, I will discover greater strength and desire to spread love to the people in my home, my community, and the world.  The more I study the creators of love, the more I will understand the way it works and the good it can do.  I will be more accepting of myself, more genuine to my friends, more serving to my family.  

My desire on this Valentine's Day is that we, as women, will have the desire to find love within ourselves.  Love who we are.  Love the people we have chosen and have been given.  Love people who haven't asked for love.  And love the One who has given us the opportunity.