What Do You Do In a Family?

Yesterday I had the great privilege to teach a lesson at church on family responsibility (basically, parenting).  A week ago I was irrevocably convinced I was the last person on earth qualified to teach that particular lesson and almost called to back out.  As the week progressed I thought to myself, "If any of my neighbors are in class on Sunday, I'll have to feign immediate illness."  They would surely call me out as a completely unqualified hypocrite.  But the Holy Ghost does wonderful things when you turn over your life in humility.  When it was all said and done, the 35 minutes I spent in front of the class was the most spiritual time I've ever felt while teaching.

Here are some of the things the spirit taught to me:

 My kids are children of our Heavenly Father.  They have His spirit, and their spirits studied with Him, learned from Him, and grew to maturity before they were given the opportunity to come to me. When I look at them I need to see what He sees and ask, "Who are you?" instead of "Why are you doing that?" or "What were you thinking."  My role as their mother is as much to learn from them as it is to teach them the things that I know.

In the grand scheme of things, what is really important for me to teach them?  To have faith.  To believe in the power of repentance.  That by making right choices, they can have the Holy Ghost as a constant guide.  And to pray (D&C 68:25, 28).  And if these are the things they are to learn, then I need to be sure to teach them in meekness and with patience.  I need to be ever kind and focused on true knowledge rather than my human confusions.  I need to be able and willing to clarify their mistakes with love.  Everything I do needs to pull them closer towards me rather than build up a moat that pushes them away (D&C 121:41-44)

It is a marvelous thing to have a family and that part of that family compound is a spouse to share both the burdens and the joys. I appreciated the council provided in my lesson material for my husband laying out simply the three things which are essential in his role as a father:

• Being worthy of the sacred calling to be a father and living in a way that allows him to perform in that capacity
• Making it a priority to spend time individually with each of his kids.  To get to know them and build a relationship where they can always feel comfortable calling on him.
• To provide for his family 

I especially appreciated the order of those three things.  His focus, and our focus together, should always be on the spiritual things first.  And while it is his responsibility, if possible, to provide for us, it should never become his main priority.

That brings me, then, to what I should be doing as a mother.  More than anything, my little boys need me to be spending time with them.  They need me to play with them and teach them life doesn't always have to be serious.  Children learn the best through play and I should never pass up the opportunity to listen to the things  they are imagining and dreaming.  

I need to do everything in my power to provide the best example of faithfulness and spiritual strength.  My actions and attitudes go a long way in allowing the spirit to dwell in our home and bring the peace children need to feel when surrounded by family.  Someday they will leave our home and head out into the world.  When they do it won't matter if someone else has to teach them to sew on a button or properly wash the dishes.  I would never dream of leaving their seeds of testimony to be planted and cultivated by the outside world.

A story in The Book of Mormon teaches about of a group of 2000 young men who fought valiantly for their families and their communities in battle.  Through trouble and strife, they ever laid the source of their courage at the feet of their mothers.

...and they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage...but behold, this was not all-they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.  Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him...yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying, : "We do not doubt our mothers knew it." Alma 53:20-21, 56:47-48

That brings me to the last, and most important, thing I took away from my lesson yesterday: A mother's testimony can have a profound influence on her children.  I would add that a mother without a strong testimony will have an equally profound influence on the testimonies of the spirits with which she has been entrusted.  And yet, we are not alone.  Being a parent is far from easy and there will continue to be times when my spirit is dampened and trampled.  Yet I know there is no need to worry.  The Lord is watching over me.