Uniquely December: Bill of Rights Day (and In My Heart On Thursday, as well)

Our Bill of Rights...have you read them recently?

The Devil Hates You

That's what my husband said to me last night.  I had just told him I was really unhappy and felt like I was being punished for 15 years of selfish decisions.  He saw it differently.  This is what he had to say:

We have two incredible children.  The older is brilliant and funny and incredibly hard to lead.  He lives life with complete emotion and isn't easily swayed to do what he knows is wrong.  The younger brought to earth the joy of heaven and a smile that can brighten even the darkest day.  They are both supported by the love of their Heavenly Father and my role is to raise them righteously.  As strong as they are, they will still need a mother who can teach them how to love and serve and rely on the powers of the Atonement in hopes of returning to live with their Father in Heaven.

The devil is aware.  He knows the struggle it's going to be to get at my children and attacks the target he sees as weak.  That's me.

"...and he shall wear out the saints of the most High..."-Daniel 7:25

A few weeks ago I read an enlightening commentary on the Devil as Accuser.  The author described Satan as the one who incites us to sin and then stands by to remind us, accuse us, and taunt us about every thing we have ever done wrong.  My husband equated the devil to "The Big Tattle-Tale." When he stands before God and brags about the terrible we are doing, the Lord turns away without giving his words one moment of thought.  Not to be rebuked, though, the devil retreats and returns to working on an audience more receptive to his message.

"And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ."-Revelations 12:17

It became clear to me after reading this article and doing my own study of the scriptures that Satan is after the righteous.  He has nothing to gain from a person living a life less than that.  That is the point my husband, last night, was making.  As I try to follow the commandments of God and raise my boys to make righteous choices, the devil attacks me.  He gets afraid of losing ground and when I don't make it easy for him he sends his minions to surround me with a constant barrage of evil thoughts, self doubt, and thoughts of giving in to make sure that he wins in the end.

"Submit yourselves, therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you...For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us...that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."-James 4:7, Romans 8:18,38-39

My night and conversation with my husband did not end with a great lightening of worries and cares; the devil's stronghold is hard to break.  But I was able to get out of bed this morning knowing that I have a new opportunity each day to access the blessings of the Savior's Atonement for me. The Devil may hate me, but the Lord has not given up on me.  He will protect me, and my boys, until that day when I can once again stand before Him full of humility and account that I tried my hardest with the life that was given to me.  

A Heavenly Scare

I can't believe I quit writing so quickly after the beginning of the year-New Year's Resolutions...aargh! I'm not feeling inspired to write anything insightful, but I want to keep trying to make writing a habit, so today I'm going to copy down a journal entry I wrote a few weeks ago... We had a scary experience last night (8/16). We went camping at Hope Campground up the Provo Canyon. Beck had so much fun walking around & playing with sticks & rocks. He wore his flannel to match Daddy, but then Daddy didn't bring his flannel (or any warm clothes). After our dinner of shrimp & crab we laid Beck down in our tent. To our surprise he barely whimpered & fell right to sleep. After too many s'mores we also crawled in bed. Unfortunately the tent zippers woke Beck up & he felt his 2 1/2 hour nap was good enough. He exploded into hyper sleep-deprived mode. It was cute & funny for about 10 minutes before we realized he wasn't going to calm down. He was crawling over us, scratching, pulling hair & falling down with his head smacking the ground. He wasn't safe to himself. Ben finally had too much and we decided maybe Beck needed familiarity. Ben took him to the car and put him in his carseat. A long while later they returned to the tent, but neither of their moods had changed. Beck was still out of control and Ben was exhausted and at his wits' end. We tried to ignore Beck but he was inflicting pain on us and himself. Finally I told Ben to just go strap him in the car and crack the window open. My hope was that he'd tire himself out quickly but in a confined space where he'd be safe. Also he'd be away from us. I had a bad feeling about putting him in the car. He'd be away from us, but then I thought that he always sleeps in his own room away from us. There are always horror stories on the news of kids being left in cars and I was thinking of how warm the car might get before he woke up in the morning. Also I didn't want him sitting in the car and thinking we had left him. Ben took him and I told myself he'd be fine only 50 feet away with the window open so we could hear him. We went to sleep and it seemed like Beck had accepted it and went straight to sleep. Some time later I was pulled out of sleep by faint crying. There had been a crying baby further away and I thought it was her until the crying didn't stop. I told Ben that Beck was crying and asked if he'd locked the car. He barely muffled a sleepy no. I hurried out of my sleeping bag and out of the tent. I had to go around to the far side of the car and as I opened the door I looked for Beck in his carseat. He wasn't there. In the dark I could barely make out anything and Beck's cries still sounded muffled. I looked around quickly and there face-down on the floor was my baby. In the way time often is during panic mode, the next 30 seconds happened in slow motion. The front seat was reclined and I fumbled to get it out of the way before I could get to Beck. Confused and scare I wondered why Ben put him to sleep on the floor before I realized Beck hadn't been strapped in and had fallen on the floor. As I picked him up I feared the worst and prepared myself for blood and a broken nose or worse. Straining in the moonlight to see, I scooped Beck up and wrapped him in his blanket. He instantly cuddled into me and, with his binkie, went back to sleep. I carried him back to the tent and carefully laid him down with love and safety between his parents. I told Ben what had happened and asked why he hadn't strapped Beck in. At the time I was seething mad and couldn't believe my husband could be so selfishly careless. He voiced to me that he'd thought Beck would be okay and was thinking to himself, "Well, why didn't you tell me to strap him in." By wings of a prayer we got home very late and still showered and made it to 1:00 church with time to spare. As I sat through the meetings the events played themselves out in my mind again and again. I finally found peace as I realized that our son is protected. I believe the Lord tried to tell me there was trouble ahead. He knew beforehand that Ben would not strap him in and tried to warn me. Ben had the same promptings and also decided it would be okay because it was like sleeping in his room. I don't know what happened in the car. Maybe Beck used the reclined chair as a stair and climbed down onto the floor. Maybe he slid out of his chair like he does when we get him out. Or maybe he fell out as he groped around in the dark. What I do know now is that when his parents had failed him, the hand of the Lord protected him. I now that Beck found a cushion beneath him and loving arms around him. I know that when he was scared, his Heavenly Father comforted him and with patience called out again to tell me my son was in need. I'm grateful for the Savior who has allowed for repentance after neglect. I am glad for a loving Heavenly Father who understands and wants us to succeed. I'm especially grateful that the Lord knows my son and holds him up in his time of need.