Resolve #1-Making a SMALL part of My World Better

I have always wanted to be one of those women that does all her shopping with re-usable bags.  Over time I've gathered a few boring store brand ones, but I NEVER remember to use them.  Even if they're in the empty seat beside me as I pull into the grocery store parking lot, I will grab my purse and not give a thought to grabbing them as well.

My community does not offer any kind of curbside recycling, so it's not a habit I've ever gotten in to.  In my house plastic bags go straight into the garbage.  I have absolutely no use for them (well, lining the bathroom trashcan, maybe).  I know stores have collection bins, but if I can't remember a bag I paid for when I go in the store, there's no way I'm going to remember a wad of dirty plastic ones.  If I'm quick enough at the checkout stand, I do usually get paper bags so I can cut them up and use for crafting with my kids.  I've been noticing, though, that several of my regular grocery haunts have quit using paper bags completely (Kroger, you are my biggest offender!).

And so, for an easy way to get 2012 off on the right foot, I'm converting to all re-usable shopping bags!  I should feel ashamed to tell you it's not actually for the recycling after all.  But I'm not ashamed.  I just want to shop with pretty bags that make me happy.  I went hunting last week and found a great selection-huge bags at TJ Maxx, tiny bags at Ross Dress for Less,  and bags to get the kids excited at Toys 'R Us.  I have a few that fold up very small to fit in my purse, and one Envirosak that I bought a long time ago on Totsy.

Have they made it out on a shopping trip with me?  Three trips to the store in the last week, and I forgot my bags the first two.  But I made up for it today!  I took them to Costco and didn't have to make 15 trips from the car to the house when I got home.  The bagboy for the rest of my grocery shopping thanked me for having such big bags.  And he even used one of the tiny ones for my white wine vinegar and cheese.  This is the beginning of a new way of life for me!

Do you shop with re-usable bags?  

I'd love to hear about your favorite one!

I Wandered Off, but I'm Wandering Still...

If you were hanging out with me a year ago, you might remember that I was walking around with a pretty dismal view of the New Year.  In the end, however, 2011 turned out to be a pretty great year.  I had the privilege of teaching some extremely powerful Relief Society lessons where the class taught me more than I possibly could have given to them.    I got to go on a shopping spree.    I traveled with my family to the Grand Canyon, San Diego, all over New Mexico, and a gigantic swap meet in the Midwest.  And I finally found a way to love my hair.  Going into 2012 I have a thousand reasons to be happy and  grateful.

As I think about what I want to accomplish in the coming year, the word that keeps coming to mind is "responsibility."  Nearly every area of my life could be marked with bright red "LAZY" stamp across the top of it.  In cultivating that laziness, I've neglected a lot of people and a lot of opportunities.  It's time for me to get busy being the person I'm supposed to be.

My new resolve breaks down into five basic categories:

~Making my physical world better (one little step, or maybe two)

~Fixing the damage caused by considering myself a stay-at-home mom instead of a homemaker

~Testing my grit as a homeschooling parent before I make a decision I hate

~Realistically making our extended travel plans

~Blogging the way I'm supposed to be.

I'll write about each of those in the coming weeks.  About the blogging, however, I want to apologize now for letting myself get carried away.  The past year on this blog has been so fun, but the past few months, especially, have been unfulfilling. I started this blog as an outlet for thoughts that were important to me.  When people ask what I write about, I tell them, "a little bit faith, a little bit life, a little bit traveling."  Those are the things that are important to me.  I never wanted Wandering Still to be money-making or popularity inducing.  I just wanted to share my thoughts with the people who wanted to listen.  Thank you to those of you who've wandered off with me.  But rest assured, 

2012 is going to find me getting back to "ME."  

I hope you'll join me on the journey.

Wandering Still? What It Means To Me

My Past
Small town Iowa girls don't often take far trips from home.  From birth to age 17 the longest trip I had taken was a three-hour road trip to my uncle's house in Weeping Water, Nebraska.  Then my mom blew everything out of the water.  Attempting to get me away from an abusive high-school boyfriend, she loaded me on a plane and sent me 8 flight hours away to the European continent.

Now, don't go thinking this was normal for my family.  We grew up on hand-me-down clothes and Hamburger Helper with twice the noodles and half the meat.  Fate just happened to intervene that year and I became the first student  hosted by our local Lions Club in a Youth Camp and Exchange Program. Traveling to Brussels with 25 Iowa teenagers and then embarking on a 6-week solo adventure with host families in the Netherlands was the most frightening enterprise imaginable.

I came home at the end of that summer an altogether different girl (yes, I did get rid of the loser of a boyfriend soon after).  Wanderlust has been a part of me ever since.  It prompted me to study Hospitality Management and released me from the Midwest to see the world.  Working seasonal hotel jobs, I lived on Cape Cod in Massachusetts and all over the state of Alaska.  Because they were seasonal jobs, and in the tourism industry, I was also afforded months of open-ended travel.  My mid-twenties found me gallivanting around the globe and culminated in a 4-month backpacking/cruising trip that hopped from the Caribbean to western Mexico, from southeast Asia to Australia and New Zealand.  Those are the days that spoiled me!

My Present
I'm married to a native Utahn and that has been my dwelling for the past 7 years.  Within 9 months of moving here I had experienced more of what this diverse state has to offer than a friend who'd been going to school here more than 3 years.  As a married couple, and now as a family with two young boys, we've made it a priority to continue getting out to see what there is to see.

People often give us long sideways glances after hearing of the next trip we're planning or reading about our latest exploits on our family blog, It's What We Do.  What they usually fail to understand is that while they're spending their free money on clothes, eating out, and movies, we're bundling ours together and escaping the humdrum of our every day lives.  The ultimate example of these glances, and our own sacrifices, was a 6-week trip to Europe in celebration of my husband's college graduation and our son's 1st birthday.  More than anything, it proved to me that I was still me and the doors of the world hadn't closed when I said, "I do."

My Future
A day does not go by without me gazing out my window wondering where else there is to be.  Traveling is now inherently in me.  I used to passionately proclaim that, "You don't have to settle down until your kids are in school!"  I want my family to share the world with me.  Some argue that toddlers and infants are too little to even know, that world travel is wasted until they're old enough to read the places they are going.  I don't agree.  My 3-year-old son Beck is a map-lover!  He will stop every 10 steps, lay down his map, and recalculate which way we should be heading.  I want him and his baby brother Peyton to start out right from the beginning with a love and appreciation for exploring.

Peyton will turn 1 in March and I want more than anything to be somewhere exotic on his birthday.  Not to be snobby, but for him to look back in 20 years and know that that is who we were.  Beck starts school in less than 2 years.  I want more than anything not to put him on the bus for his first day of kindergarten with the regret that we never got him out of here.

Ben and I are working on a goal.  By January 1, 2012, we are going to be out of here.  Maybe we won't be continent-hopping like I'd once dreamed, but we will be packed and jet-setting to somewhere more exotic than Lindon, Utah.  And, then, who knows...kids can do complete K-12 programs online now...the world doesn't have to settle in on me!

In My Heart On Thursday

"If you live up to your privileges the angels cannot be restricted from being your associates."   -Joseph Smith, Jr

Hoping that 2011 finds you being the best that you can be!

Obligatory New Year's Blah-Blah-Blah

A few weeks ago I read an article explaining that time does not stop or change at the New Year, only humans do.  At the time I thought to myself, "Who cares?  Resolving to make myself a better person isn't a bad thing."  Now, though, I've lived through another New Year's and I'm understanding more clearly what the article's writer had been imbibing.

The truth is, I am not a better person than I was three days ago and I don't feel the motivation or desire to be so.  This New Year's Eve found me more mad at the world than I can remember ever being and that mood hasn't left me.  I know we're individually responsible for making our own happiness, but I haven't made it work before and the dead cold dark of January isn't really the time I see myself finding motivation to make this time successful.  So, with an apology to my husband and my kids who take the brunt of my self-imposed misery, let me say that one day I will try again to quit making your life miserable.

In the meantime, here are a few of the activities I'm looking forward to planning, experiencing, and writing about in 2011.

1.  A year of Thai food cooking.
2.  List and review of books I read in 2010
3.  Finding a way to make sure 2012 finds us somewhere more exotic than we are now.
4.  Rediscovering the feeling of true faith.

Best wishes to you if you're hyped up for a finger-tingling year.  Hopefully I'll find you there in a little while!

This Season is Not For Me

My husband and I have an agreement.  When the outdoor thermometer reaches 50, I'll bundle myself up and come out to play (curse Mother Nature for interrupting my hibernation with a balmy Utah December). Winter is not my season. Let me share with you a representation of the wintertime experiences that have chiseled me.

Iowa
Anyone who has grown up in the Midwest will emphatically tell you that cold is cold.  Ice and wet, heavy snow combine with wind to cut through to the bone.  Blizzards trap you inside with the thrill of surviving without electricity.  The moonlight sparkling on deep ice-crusted snow brings peace and creates moments to peacefully ponder an unbroken world.  Until you have to go out in it.

As a teenager I found myself in with an afternoon paper route that I hated.  In summer it was a 2-hour bother.  In winter it was absolute sensory torture.  Trudging through unshoveled sidewalks and drives, I came home soaking wet to painfully thaw out my limbs and digits.  Only one time did I attempt to speed the process along on wheels.  At first the quickness and the dryness seemed a luxury.  What I'd never experienced on foot, though, were the unplowed icy roads.  Barely half an hour into my daily routine I watched my front bicycle tire slip to the left as the back tire slid to the right.  I, with my 25 newspapers, landed flat in the middle of the two. Now wet from head to toe, I picked up my soggy papers, wiped away the tears burning themselves onto my frozen face, and finished the last 90 minutes of my route.

Fast forward 10 years to a better paying job and a better mode of transportation.  We lived on an unmaintained gravel road.  Driving home from my minimum wage job at nearly midnight, I crept along the icy highway to the gravel  home stretch.  Confident I'd made it home, I tried to drive through one last drift.  A mile from home, stuck in the middle of the road, there was no hope of breaking free.  My options were to sit there crying and cursing, or get out and run home...I ran home... in high heel boots with no coat, gloves, or hat.  I ran in the back door, through the kitchen, past my family playing cards, and straight to the blazing fireplace.  I almost jumped into that fire.  My chest and cheeks were burning.  Dad went to dig out my car and an hour later I could finally feel my nose.

Alaska
With a knowledge of how much I hate winter, I should have moved south when I flew my parent's nest.  Instead, I headed north to Fairbanks, Alaska.   The northern lights are magical crackling across the dark night (and dark day) sky, but there's a penalty for that reward.  Every car has snow studs, an oilpan heater, and battery plug-in, and every driver has a second set of keys.  Locked up cars run in the parking lot for hours while their drivers finish their shopping or enjoy a date night movie.

Fairbanks is the place I came to know what -56 degrees feels like.  An innocent evening of dancing turned into something entirely different when our ride decided to leave without telling me.  He did tell my roommate, but well into her New Year's Eve drinking, she decided not to remember that until the bar doors were locking behind us.  Dressed only in a short black skirt and sheer tanktop, I cursed every single life event that had brought me to that place at that time.  Literally freezing to death, we waited huddled together (me gagging with every whiff of my roommate's alcohol breath) for her mom to arrive, chastise us, and deliver us back home.

Utah
Still I didn't feel the kick in the pants telling me to fly for warmer climates.  Rather, I landed here in Utah; home of "the greatest snow on Earth."  Now, Utah winters are mild and endurable compared to what else I've lived through.  The problem is that people who choose to live here do so because there are activities to be doing outdoors all year long.  While my husband and I were dating, he tried to initiate me to his favorite winter activity: skiing.

Worst experience ever.  Both the skiing and allowing my boyfriend be my teacher.  Only making it up the first lift at Sundance, it took me 4 hours to get back down.  I did not have a clue what I was doing.  Every time I was supposed to turn I landed flat on my back (or my front, or my side, or his back, or his side).  I don't know what was more wounded at the end of the day, my body or my pride.  After miraculously getting down the slope one time unbroken, I sent Ben back to the top to get in what he could the rest of the day.  It turned out to only be one more run. We both still feel the pain of that day.

It's been some more years and Utah is still where we stay.  Beck is now 3 and begging us to get on his own pair of skis.  It turns out I woke up one day and found out I was raising mountain babies.  So what do I do?  I watch the snowmen taking shape from the warmth of my living room.  I bundle up and run from the car to the indoor play yards.  I fantasize a day when snowshoeing or cross-country skiing can happen in the heat of July, and I harbor a deep little secret.  I want to tackle the challenge of skiing.  It's cold and the ground is hard, but I want to say I can do it.  Especially if my entire family is soon going to be out there breezing down the hillside.

An Evolution of Holiday Greetings

I used to try so hard to find the perfect Christmas card-not generic, not preachy, not boring, not something my grandma would send.  Pawing through shelf after shelf of impersonal greeting cards was a tedious task, but, when the perfect box of cards appeared before me, I unhesitatingly snatched them up and sent them out with cheer.  Then, when I met my husband, my Christmas card tradition began to be turned on it's ear.  His entire family was using photo cards long before I had ever heard of them.  Most were sending out the obligatory annual family photo card, however, the "Super Six" were still single, living at home, and living unabashedly against the rules.  The first card I saw them concoct was indescribably ugly-everyone dressed in black with construction paper ornaments framing their heads.  It could only be topped at a later date when I got a glance of the card they had sent out the year before...there certainly should have been no question why none of them had a date for the holidays that year!   

It was fun in our first married years to meld together holiday traditions.  I adopted the photo card tradition and we put our hearts and souls into making sure they were an extension of who we were.  One year we decided to wait until January to send cards and to this day I am in love with the idea of sending New Year greetings.

This year I guess is the year we become old.  We have decided to go the route of the traditional family photo.  The main reason?  This is the first year we've spent the time to find a good photographer and actually think about what we're wearing.  The pictures turned out well and so we're sharing.  The supporting reason?  I found the most beautiful and inspiring holiday photo card on Shutterfly.com.  It melds together the personality of a photo card with the sentimentality of a traditional boxed card.  And I immediately felt it shared our current holiday point of view.

Curious about this card that has inspired it's very own blogpost?  A few of them have already been mailed, a few are waiting for stamps, and I have a stack just waiting for you to tell me you can't wait to see it.  Leave me a comment and I'll get it on it's way!

Looking Backwards Forwards

Writing inspiration has been on hold for, oh, let's say the past several months. I know it's in there hibernating, and I'm going to coax it out one of these days, but for now let me look back to my New Year's entry from a year ago... Still being fairly new at motherhood, a few of my resolutions last year focused on much-needed me-time. This blog is proof that I at least got a start on putting my mind back to use and my "Recent Reads" list reached nearly 40 books in 12 months. Using those as launch pad, I also taught myself to sew, experimented with all kinds of cooking, and got in quite a bit of purely indulgent shopping (well, clearance-rack indulgence). For Michelle as an individual, it was a pretty productive year. My proudest accomplishment of 2008 was our family goal of planning and taking a European vacation. What an incredible experience that we still think about everyday! Traveling completes me and it enriches our family immeasurably. I love my family. Sharing with them this passion enriches me. The last of my four desires for 2008 was focused on supporting Ben in his endeavor to find work he loved and get our family settled in wherever that may be. This is the item on my list which I could have done better and am still working on. The excitement of graduation turned into the reality of the working world and the adventure I had my heart set on turned into new opportunities right here in Utah. The struggle to see Ben's job here as what is meant to be isn't always easy for me, but as I was driving back into the Utah Valley a few weeks ago I looked towards the mountain and remembered that this is where my home is. My life is here and my family is here. I need to engage in living here. This brings me to my goals for 2009: 1. Live where you are. Looking for adventure, living off-the-wall, and exploring nooks and crannies are what life to me. There are a million activities and opportunities for Ben, Beck, and I right outside our door and we're going to grab at every one of them! 2. Be in bed by midnight every day. I'm blessed that Beck sleeps pretty consistently until 8:30 in the morning. I should take advantage of that and get the full night of sleep my body needs. Trust me, getting to bed early is not easy (yes, midnight is still early for me). That being said, this goal will have the added benefit of cutting down on hours of completely useless activities. 3. Let people in my life know how much they mean to me. I want to actively share with my family and friends how their talents and gifts are noticed and appreciated. I'm grateful for the time and energy people share with me and want to stop overlooking those special moments. 4. Get my affairs in order. Ben and I have a lofty goal to get out of debt-pay off our credit cards and the car. At the same time, we're actively trying to build our food storage 3-months at a time. More importantly, though, we need to get our official paperwork taken care of-wills, guardianship, and records of our personal information. I recently watched my brother-in-law and his family sort out the red-tape and business drudgery that came along with the unexpected passing of his father and learned how important and helpful it is to be prepared for anything. These are not easy or pleasant things, but I want to make life as easy as possible and be reassured that Ben and Beck will be taken care of if anything ever happens to me. To end this entry and get started with the new year, please let me express my gratitude for the people who read my thoughts and have their own thoughts to share. You encourage me and give me new ideas to ponder throughout my day. I hope that 2009 is everything that you dream it will be!

New Year, Better Me

It's a new year and not a single cliche on my plate. My new year is starting off great. Which is not to say I've foregone making any resolutions at all. I'm just going to give my weight a break and not beat myself up uselessly over the number of hours I spend reading my scriptures. This year my goals are more specific and I feel confident they're obtainable. Now, so that in a few months I can be reminded that I did have goals back at the beginning of the year, here are my 2008 New Year's Resolutions: Watch less tv and read more books

Adjusting to life as a stay-at-home mom has been a bumpy road for me. Fortunately, I seem to have settled in and treasure the afternoons when all I accomplish is rolling around and laughing with my little boy. Surprisingly, it has given me a chance to slow down and re-explore some of my interests from the past. I want to cultivate those interests by feeding them and making my mind work.

Write once a week

In middle school my free time was filled with creative writing. Sometime between then and now I quit using pen and paper to express myself. Although my creativity has been replaced with much more practical and literal thinking, I want to see my thoughts written down again. It's always been a source of growth and learning. I want to see where that takes me.

Have fun planning and taking our family celebration trip in Europe

Of my four resolutions, this will be the easiest. I forced myself to wait for January 1 to start making trip plans. Now it's full steam ahead! My inner desire for this goal is that at the end of it all the three of us will have seen everything we wanted to see and learned more than we could have imagined without bitter feelings or undue stress.

Encourage & support Ben in finding a job that he'll love in a place that we'll love The first half of this year is going to be extremely exciting and extremely scary. We've felt already how easy it is to become complacent, but are determined to find ourselves six months from now challenged and beginning life anew in the place the Lord has prepared for us. I'm shooting towards these goals. Feel free (PLEASE) to ask me now and then how I'm doing. Your advice and support is invaluable, and, please, let me wish you the best of luck in whatever you set forth to do in 2008!