Doing Something That Makes You Happy

I went to a free concert last Friday with my family to see a band called Moosebutter.  Self-billed as a comedy acapella group, I had never seen them in person, but was promised a night of hilarity.  Not necessarily because the band is good or funny, but because my in-laws are notorious for making fun of something until you're laughing so hard they start laughing at you.

Moosebutter on Friday night consisted of four middle-aged guys (I say middle-aged hesitantly because one of them went to school with my husband and that would mean I've now labelled myself with that heavy moniker) jumping around and shouting out melodic song parodies.  I think sometimes they have only two guys and maybe sometimes they have five or six.  This night there was a beat-boxer, a phenomenal falsetto, and two other guys.  About every 10 minutes I found them genuinely entertaining, and then I morphed back into complete boredom and confusion.  The show went on for nearly two hours and while my very first impression was that this was 4 winded guys who needed to sit down after the first stanza, by the end I was at least impressed that they were all still standing.

As the show ended, the park lights came up, and we were forced to rationalize the two hours of life we'd just lost, my thoughts went this way:

~That was really bad...I think I stared straight without blinking for at least half an hour
~Alright, they obviously have an audience.  The stage was three-deep with pre-tweens that couldn't contain their enthusiasm.  And, oddly (or sadly), there was an occasional uproar of attention from the larger audience which would indicate that at least the parent's of those pre-tweens were paying attention.
~Good for them for knowing their audience and not pretending they're trying to do anything more...well, surely they hope to be something more, but for now it's a great idea to work with what you've got.

Then I got a tad bit melancholy.  As I listened to the last of the jokes putter out around me, it hit me:  These are four guys who have found something they love to do and are making a living doing it.  As I've done more research (on their humble website) I've come to the conclusion that this definitely is not a day job for any of them.  Maybe that makes it acceptably better-a hobby that people are in some degree willing to indulge occasionally.  Sounds pretty amazing!

On our way out of the venue, my husband made an effort to talk to the Moosebutter member he'd once palled around with.  That is when the oddity and reality finally hit me.  "Mr. Tim" is definitely my husband's age (just to clarify that's only around 35, we're not ancient yet).  He shared great insight on the pitfalls of performing in that particular type of venue with parent-less children storming the stage.  He looked tired, but was so obviously still the center of attention amongst all the Moosebutter groupies.  Then, as we were talking a boy looking  at least 10-years-old came up and called Mr. Tim "dad."  Everyone in our party did a double-take.  Turns out Mr. Tim has SIX kids and still finds time to dress up in a red monkey suit and babble nonsensically onstage every now and then.

Moosebutter in concert ended up being a shot in the arm for me.  Big deal that I didn't find myself entertained beyond my wildest belief, and how impressive is it that we made ourselves feel better by mocking people more willing to share their talents than we ever will be.  I have great ideas about living the life I want rather than the life society has pigeon-holed for me.  People are doing it!  Moosebutter is doing it!  I want to being it, too!

In My Heart On Thursday

"And the truth is, we are not better than the people who are on the show...some of us just dress better. Some of us have more money. Or some of us had better luck in the pool of parents. And sometimes we went to better schools and learned to speak better. But the behavior -- all you have to do is look at any newspaper on any day, of all the famous people involved in all kinds of things. How can we say for a second, you know. If you just look at the hearings we've had in Congress lately. Are those people morally superior to the people on my show? I would hardly think so."

-Jerry Springer

In My Heart On Thursday

"Every day when you see what another person needs to do better,

 improve that thing in yourself."

                                                                                                         -Ben, my husband

    

A Lesson For the Class

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."

The Relief Society room filled with gentle chuckles when a sister offered this as one of the most important things we can teach our children in our homes.  In preparing the lesson I had anticipated many more answers like this-the temporal lessons taught by parents.  Instead, the ladies in the room had humbled me with long lists of values and attributes they've taught their little ones-honesty, respect, to love the scriptures.  I secretly cheered that there was at least one sister in the room who's home, like mine, has not yet become a permanent haven of heaven on earth. She continued, "If the Saviour were on the Earth today, would he want to come into your home?"

It seemed like a simple enough thought to me and we returned to listing divine characteristics all children are apparently supposed to know before they head off to school.  Then, a screeching halt.  A sister in the back row raised her hand and proclaimed, "I'm going to have to disagree with that sister over there."  She went on to voice her opinion that the Saviour is not going to care what your house looks like when he comes again.  Her intention was good, but the comment was actually quite offensive, and standing in the front of the room I could see the first sister's feelings had been hurt.  Unfortunately, I have not yet become perfect at diffusing these types of situations in class and I chose to move on to the next part of the lesson rather than make this a point of discussion.  That was two days ago and the entire event keeps playing itself out in my mind. 

Here is how I now know I should have responded:

I understand both viewpoints and don't believe either one of them is completely wrong.  The Lord has said, "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me." (Rev. 3:20) The question needs to be not whether or not the Saviour will want to visit me, but whether or not I keep my home in order so as to feel comfortable when the Saviour comes to visit me.

Latter-Day Saints have been instructed to keep their homes like a temple. I'm sure similar sentiments are taught across many world religions.  The Holy Ghost does not dwell in unholy places, places of clutter and disorganization.  And certainly it is much more difficult to recognize the promptings of the Spirit when our minds are distracted by busyness and a backlog of responsibilities.  As with the story of Martha and Mary we need to ask ourselves if we have prepared well enough for the Saviour's arrival so that we might sit at His feet and absorb the love He brings for us.

It is important to keep an orderly home and to teach our children that importance.  Associate Professor Shirley R. Klein remarked, "Everyday activities in our homes may be simple, but because they are simple, frequent, and repeated, they offer important opportunities to build individuals and families." So where do we find the balance?  I've often been told that a home where children are loved is a home well-lived in.  In other words, there are going to be toys on the floor.  The dishes may not always be done and the beds may not always be made.  Is this the sign of a sloppy lazy family?  Not necessarily.

Look around a little further.  Is there children's artwork hanging on the refrigerator?  Are the little ones playing together while their parents help older siblings with homework?  Have the children been taught by example that there is a time and place for controlled chaos as well as for quiet and order?  Or, are the children's toys under lock and key for fear of appearing less than perfect to the visiting teachers?  Are the floors shining and the windows gleaming in the middle of the day even though the children are bored and begging for attention and love?  The Saviour will recognize our best intentions.  We need to determine whether or not our best intentions will have been enough on that great and glorious day.

Had I been brilliant enough to spout out all that to the class on Sunday, I'd either have received oodles of hallway compliments after class or been quickly released from my calling.  Either way, it has left me thinking more deeply.  Obviously the state of our earthly home is not going to be what keeps us from being embraced by the Saviour.  That will be determined by the state of our hearts in the moment He arrives. Our work until then is to strive towards living in a "house of order."

So let me ask these questions to the class:  If the Saviour came today could He dwell within your heart?  Would  the clutter and distraction make you unable to recognize the lightness of your burdens being lifted?  Is the balance between your devotion to the Lord and Jesus Christ weighted with things of this world or divine desires of the soul?

When He stands outside and knocks will you hear His voice and let Him enter in or will the rush to clean up the house keep you from opening the door? 

In My Heart On Thursday-

"Dante was so wrong.  At the lowest point, at the nadir of the ninth circle of hell, Satan will be sharing eternally cold space with treasonous brownnosers who abandon their principles and do what is wrong for the sake of a good grade, or applause.  And these brownnosers will have to lick Satan's razor-studded butt forever and ever, with their tongues."

-Carlos Eire,  Waiting For Snow In Havana, p. 232

In My Heart On Thursday

“…do not forget to pray.  Each time you pray, if you do so sincerely, there will be the flash of a new feeling in it, and a new thought as well, one you did not know before, which will give you fresh courage; and you will understand that prayer is education.  Remember also: every day and whenever you can, repeat within yourself: ‘Lord, have mercy upon all who come before you today.’  For every hour and every moment thousands of people leave their life on this earth, and their souls come before the Lord—and so many of them part with the earth in isolation, unknown to anyone, in sadness and sorrow that no one will mourn for them, or even know whether they had lived or not.  And so, perhaps from the other end of the earth, your prayer for his repose will rise up to the Lord, though you did not know him at all, nor he you.  How moving it is for this soul, coming in fear before the Lord, to feel at that moment that someone is praying for him, too, that there is still a human being on earth who loves him.  And God, too, will look upon you both with more mercy, for if even you so pitied him, how much more will he who is infinitely more merciful and loving than you are.  And he will forgive him for your sake.”

                                                                                       -The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoevsky

The Way Life Turns Out To Be

A professor once asked the students of her marriage preparation course, "What are the most important values you are looking for in a spouse?" The lists were long: sense of humour, intelligence, faith, steady job, good family, similar interests, education, sense of adventure, loyalty, stability... The professor then asked, "What one of those values is your top priority?" Without much pause, students responded: sense of humour, intelligence, faith, steady job, good family, similar interests, education, sense of adventure, loyalty, stability... They, like most of modern society, wanted it all. *

We are fortunate to live in an age when any dream can be realized or obtained. What a marvelous thing! We should never take it for granted; we should also never let it cloud our vision. The fact of the matter is, "having it all" only comes after we've obtained important things individually. Very few people win the lottery and see all of their dreams fulfilled in one lump sum. We have to prioritize or instead of achieving all our goals we'll find ourselves many years down the road living with none of them.

 Let's use relationships as an example. Every one of the attributes listed above is noble and desirable. It is natural to judge new acquaintances in accordance with the characteristics we value. The key is not letting the entire list keep us from getting to know a person better. We would remain friendless and alone for eternity. Allowing ourselves to be pulled towards what is good enables us to explore what more could be good. It is here, unfortunately, where we begin to see another sort of problem. Instead of negating all people because they don't match every standard, some people throw common sense out the window and choose instead to naively accept all people. In the end, neither scenario is going to bring us closer to achieving our goals. 

I think every person can benefit from setting down to re-evaluate the areas of life where they've had goals and dreams-work, community involvement, diet, etc. Think back to a time when these ideas were new. What made you smile and feel happy? What ideas did you have about where life was heading? What was most important and have you held onto that as you've moved forward towards achieving your goals? If not, there is still time to pause and reconsider how to redirection your life so that those important attributes surround you. And, then, here's the kicker: What were your dealbreakers? What were the things that you absolutely would not accept? If you ever find yourself questioning why life has turned out so differently than you'd imagined or if there is an aspect of life that continually (or confusedly) makes you unhappy, take a moment to also reconsider these things. 

We are blessed to live in a time where we can achieve every single thing our hearts and minds set out to do. Let us work towards those goals by making sure we stand steadfast on the individual attributes that will make us the person we want to be. (*Thank you to Jacque DeGaston for relating this story)

Thanks for allowing me the liberty to re-post this entry from my first year of writing.  Feeling uninspired in life right now, I'm grateful to the Lord for leading me back to my own enlightened guidance...

A Lot of Thinking

How far back do your actions set you? This question popped into my head during church a few weeks ago and at the time I had a very specific incident in mind between Ben and my brothers-in-law. I wanted him to realize that simple decisions like which movie to watch or which television show to quote may speak volumes louder than his most genuine example of standing uprightly. Sitting through the rest of church other events ran through my mind:

• Raising your voice at a child when you're trying to teach him to use his indoor voice or the proper way to deal with anger
• Gossiping to a person with whom you've worked hard to build trust
• Slacking at your job or
• Breaking your word by neglecting a commitment or responsibility

Surprisingly, while thinking of these different situations I didn't allow myself to feel down about myself or the things that I am doing. I recognize that I'm human and sometimes do things I later wish I hadn't. Every one of us does. Knowing and admitting this can help us be more aware of how what we're doing and saying may be perceived. Believe it! We have the ability to change our own course of action and determine whether we will be better people one day. The longer I pondered this whole idea, the more I was reminded of another thought I had a few months ago around election time. Trying to reconcile the nation's choice with my own concerns and worries, I wondered, "What do you do after you've done all you can do?" The answer, of course, is get out of bed every morning, try to make the people around you smile, and try your best to stand strong for what you believe. Reflecting on these two questions together can help us find enlightenment. Most of us are good people trying hard to do good things every day. We want our children to feel protected and loved while they learn and grow. We want our friends and family to smile when they think of us and our co-workers to strive to work harder beside us. We make mistakes, but when we're humble enough to see the damage that's been done, we'll find the strength to try again the next day. If we can wake up and realize that yesterday was actually a pretty good day, then the foundation has been laid and the mistakes we make tomorrow may be a little bit smaller than the ones we make today. Building day by day and one mis-step at a time, we'll make it where we're trying to go and hopefully we'll made a positive impression along the way.

Why Don't We Learn?

I'm tired of being humbled. Honestly. Why not just learn a lesson, catalog it in the "I Will Never Do That Again" file and then (imagine this) never do that again. The scenario: A person in my circle of acquaintances grates me the wrong way. It's not always the same person; it's not always only one person at a time. Today it is a young married couple living down the street. Most likely they are great human beings. They have never done anything to personally wrong me or my family. I just don't like them. (To lessen my guilt, let me assume I'm not the only person who has ever encountered this sort of irrational behavior). What happens next? Tragedy strikes that family-an unborn child with major health defects and the probability of the pregnancy being terminal. It's not always tragedy, of course, but it never fails that at some point I'm slammed in the face with the reality that that person is human and has worries and troubles just like me. Instead of being able to jump right in and offer support, I'm forced to first work around the huge stumbling block I've placed in front of me. As religious people, we are instructed to "Love thy neighbor as thyself," and that charity and love "conquereth all things. " What makes it so much more comfortable to live in distance and with ill feelings than to put forth outstretched arms? I recently wrote about judgement and how destructive it can be, but this seems to be different entirely. These scenarios are usually completely unprovoked and based on nothing I have seen or heard. It's merely a bad taste I get in my mouth that I allow to fester somewhere within me. Being humbled continuously is tiring. We need humility in order to grow. I will start again today to move onto a new lesson in hopes that I don't find myself repeating this one again in the next little bit of time.

Who do you Judge?

How can we support and strengthen other people and their families? Stop Judging. Too many people in the world today are dealing with situations and circumstances they never would have imagined into their own life stories: unplanned pregnancies, broken marriages, alternative lifestyles, addictions. These are not usually things families invite upon themselves. Yet, they are happening every day and people are forced to decide how they are going to deal with the events that come their way. Where there is love and a close connection between family members and friends, less than ideal events like these are often met with compassion, support, forgiveness, and leniency. Can the same be said when tragedy or upheaval is happening to the neighbor down the street, the colleague down the hall, or the parishioner sitting in the pew in front of you? It is much easier to sit in our homes or around the table at the coffee shop and pass judgement on people and families who are having difficult times. Disapproval and reproach do no better in bringing about help and encouragment than would completely ignoring and avoiding the situation all together. Most of us have enough prudence not to appear so hateful and uncaring when confronting the afflicted directly, but do we really think that our "true" feelings and distaste are hidden? I guarantee you they are not. If we honestly desire to support and strengthen the people and families around us, we need to be sincere and offer understanding. In thinking we are above their lot in life, we only add to the sorrow and hurdles which they face. A parent dealing with a wayward child needs their entire focus on that child. The child will suffer more if his parents are dealing not only with their own feelings of failure and disappointment but also the stress of being under the neighborhood microscope. This is true regardless of the circumstances, and most of us know how it feels to be the person being judged. Not a single person on this earth is going to make it through their lifetime here on earth without a few bumps in the road. When it is your turn and your friends or familiy are hurting, my heartfelt prayer is that you emerge on the other end feeling stronger and closer together. Likewise, if you find yourself right now coasting along and enjoying the scenery, be mindful that exercising your most divine qualities (compassion, generosity, and humility) could mean the difference between a family that falters and a family that grows.