Am I Traveling, Am I Not (A Follow-Up)

I have been on an emotional roller coaster since my post last week and woke up this morning thinking I should share with you where I'm heading.  Thank you for the amazing advice and concern and encouragement I received from several of you!  That's absolutely the best part about writing and putting myself out there.

The big picture answer from my little breakdown is that I am definitely dealing with a life issue.  The struggle between dreams and reality isn't solved overnight and doesn't have a 1-2-3-step process to resolution.  What does that mean?  I'm not going to simply wake up one day having dropped the need to travel and explore and be free from routine.  I can wake up each day recognizing that not every year is going to be a big travel year.  This year, for starters, is not going to find me cavorting overseas and now that I've thought about that clearly, I've accepted it completely.

Even in my muddling last week, I never once considered that I was now trapped in my house, in my yard, in my little community.  Utah provides an incredible opportunity for so many different types of exploring in a very short distance and with summer coming my mind is already packed full of weekend excursions and activities.  That will never change in me, and is just as valid an opportunity to teach my kids about environments different than their own as any other place I could take them in the world.

There is a truth to work through and accept that my freedom to wander the world freely has dwindled and changed.  Yet, right now as I watch my kids squeal while blowing soap bubbles in their breakfast cups it doesn't seem daunting or life-sucking.  My passport application is in the mail and I can keep dreaming.  I never again want logistical details to be what keeps me from dreaming.  But for today I think I'll tackle the housecleaning and the parenting and be excited when my husband gets home.  I'm going to enjoy my family right here where life finds me.

(As part of my "therapy" I promise this summer I'll share some of my adventures with you,

 including my upcoming trip to flea markets of the Heartland,

 and playing tourist with my sister in Southern Utah's national park playland)

Well, where did I go?

You might be thinking, "Gee, nice little break Michelle's taking in the middle of January."  I'm sure you're all just reeling from my lack of writing lately...right?  Doubtful.  But I did want to pop in today and give you a little update.

First, I went to Chicago for a week with two of my sisters and had a lot of fun, but also the stress of family relationship drama.  It drained me and I haven't felt like doing any deep thinking since I got back.

Second, I've been in the throes of morning sickness for a little over a week.  I really wish the term was not "morning" sickness, but rather, "You'll feel crappy when you wake up, crappy for all but about 1-hour during the day, and 10x more crappy at night before you go to bed" sickness.  Thank goodness for my most fabulous husband who has just let me lay around all day for basically 7 days.

Unfortunately, he left today for a week of work in California and it's back to acting like a grown-up instead of like my 4-year-old with the stomach flu.  With my mind focused on the basic skills of not regurgitating everything I eat, I might have a light presence here for awhile.  Or, then again, I might not.  We'll have to wait and see...

I Wandered Off, but I'm Wandering Still...

If you were hanging out with me a year ago, you might remember that I was walking around with a pretty dismal view of the New Year.  In the end, however, 2011 turned out to be a pretty great year.  I had the privilege of teaching some extremely powerful Relief Society lessons where the class taught me more than I possibly could have given to them.    I got to go on a shopping spree.    I traveled with my family to the Grand Canyon, San Diego, all over New Mexico, and a gigantic swap meet in the Midwest.  And I finally found a way to love my hair.  Going into 2012 I have a thousand reasons to be happy and  grateful.

As I think about what I want to accomplish in the coming year, the word that keeps coming to mind is "responsibility."  Nearly every area of my life could be marked with bright red "LAZY" stamp across the top of it.  In cultivating that laziness, I've neglected a lot of people and a lot of opportunities.  It's time for me to get busy being the person I'm supposed to be.

My new resolve breaks down into five basic categories:

~Making my physical world better (one little step, or maybe two)

~Fixing the damage caused by considering myself a stay-at-home mom instead of a homemaker

~Testing my grit as a homeschooling parent before I make a decision I hate

~Realistically making our extended travel plans

~Blogging the way I'm supposed to be.

I'll write about each of those in the coming weeks.  About the blogging, however, I want to apologize now for letting myself get carried away.  The past year on this blog has been so fun, but the past few months, especially, have been unfulfilling. I started this blog as an outlet for thoughts that were important to me.  When people ask what I write about, I tell them, "a little bit faith, a little bit life, a little bit traveling."  Those are the things that are important to me.  I never wanted Wandering Still to be money-making or popularity inducing.  I just wanted to share my thoughts with the people who wanted to listen.  Thank you to those of you who've wandered off with me.  But rest assured, 

2012 is going to find me getting back to "ME."  

I hope you'll join me on the journey.

Fun Things Coming!

I had so much fun writing regularly when I was doing my A-Z's.  Yesterday when I came across a list of lesser-known December holidays I got excited again.  With a mix of serious events and hilarious observations it'll be perfect to motivate me for another 30 days of writing.  Check in later today, and every day this month, for what I'm labeling, 

Uniquely December

Even better?  Each day next week I'm giving away some of my favorite things!  Some are fun, some are handmade, some are great and amazing.  Hope you'll stop in Monday to see!

Oh, you know I'll give you extra entries (one for each giveaway)...

Tell me in a comment on this post what you love about December.

You and Yours

Thank you for being here, for reading and commenting when you do.  

Today I'd like to repay the favor by sharing some of your own blogs with the rest of my world.

Here they are, some of my followers, some of my family, and a couple that I just think you'll love...

A Book, A Girl, A Journey

Great for authors and writers

A really great little bit of everything-great linkies!

Takes you along on the most amazing hikes in Southern Utah

The Womanhood Cause

Bringing up all topics we as women think about

Timeless

Part fashion, part food, part deep conversation

Who's Your Editor?

A Book Lover's Heavenly Find

I wish I could share each and everyone of your blogs,

 but I hope you'll check out a couple I've highlighted today and let me know what you think!

I Need a New Look

Over and over I've scoured the internet for a new blog layout and found nothing that inspires me.  It's time for a new look and I'm hoping you can help.

Where have you found your favorite blog designs?

A-M right here...

Joy

On my new blog, Eating the Nibbly Bibs, the focus is 100% joy.  Both for my two boys and for me.  I'm working out of a fabulous book named Teaching Your Children Joy where I do a daily activity with them and then record my thoughts and observations on how it went.  

Here is a post from last week:

I'm InWhat I'm learning about parenting is this:  You have to be all in.  Children grow up whether you're intensely involved or not.  The opportunity we have is to be a part of that during the short amount of time we have with them.  And we choose the degree of intensity.

During the past four years I've had ups and downs-periods of complete attention and periods of viewing from the sidelines.  The last year I'd evaluate as fairly well checked out and the results are there to prove it.  Beck and I argue like he's a teenager.  Indeed I look at him and can see exactly what 14-year-old Beck will be.  But the good news is that that's true for the good times too!  I've noticed before, and I'm seeing it now...when I'm anxiously engaged in being mom to my two boys, they smile and laugh and want to be anxiously engaged with me.  It's a lesson worth learning, and one I'm sure I'll need to keep learning again and again.

Today's Teaching Your Children Joy activity was to "make spontaneity a high priority."  Be open to letting it happen anytime and anyplace.  It's hard to get past the point when you holler "No," or "Stop," "Sshhh!", but when you do it makes the world more interesting for both you and your child.

So try it.  Let them splash in a puddle.  Follow the direction of their pointing fingers and over-enthusiastic shouts of "LOOK!"  Clear the way and let them spin the kid cart while walking through the grocery store.  They'll be happier and you might just find yourself barefooted squishing mud between your toes.  

If you have little ones, or if you don't, I'd love to have you come on over and check it out... 

Eating the Nibbly Bibs

For earlier A-Z posts...

B=Blogs

I started this blog four years ago, then quit this blog for a long time (like, years).  Then this year rolled around and something exploded!  Not only did I brush the cobwebs off of this address, I dove head-first into a world of new blog endeavours.  Here are the cyberspace locales where you can keep an eye on me...

Wandering Still-That's here, so of course you know already know a whole heck of a lot about me.

6 In the Kitchen-A cooking blog project with my sisters where we share our VERY different tastes.

A Local Wander-My passion in progress.  After a little re-tooling, it's going to be a contributor-oriented Utah activities blog.  If you live in Utah, or visit here, I want to hear from you!

Eating the Nibbly Bibs-My newest project sharing my experiences at home preschooling and following the book Teaching Your Children Joy.

I'd love to have you check these out and let me know what you think!

Click here for Letter "A"

The Final Days

A few weeks ago I mentioned a blogging grant I'd applied for.  At the time it was a bit of a pipe-dream.  Since then an opportunity has opened up to take my little dream and make it into something big.  To say I'm excited would be A ridiculous understatement. 

The dream is going forward. This grant would be the icing on the cake.  Will you help by voting and sharing the link with your friends?  Voting ends April 15 and you can vote daily.  

EXPLORING OUT MY FRONT DOOR 

Janice at Roller Coaster Ride has made my day by sending me the "One Lovely Blog Award." 

 I want to do the same by passing it on to the blogs bringing joy to my day:

Food and Cooking 

6 In the Kitchen

eat, drink & live healthy

Kids and Toddler Learning

Toddler Approved

Smilemonsters

Home and Family

The Pursuit of Happiness

Memoirs of Mrs. Harris

Church and Faith

Brenda Anderson's Scripture Squiggles

Visiting Teaching Surprise

The Kansas City Temple Chaser

Gospel PrinciplesTPBlair

Take a glance at one or two and see if you find something to inspire you. 
And thanks to the fabulous people authoring the blogs I love! 

A Little Self-Promotion...

...a little out of the norm for me, but I'm going to try it...

I'm being featured today at Who's Your Editor!

AubrieAnne at Who's Your Editor started a Weekend Wonders feature a few weeks ago and it's my turn.  Head over to find out a few random and few deeper things about me, and then take a look around.  She's got a great literature/reading/grammar blog.  I love it!

Also, don't forget you can now get Wandering Still updates on Facebook and Twitter. Then, check out my blogging grant application on Mom Central.  You can vote every day and I'd love the support!

And finally, 

THANK YOU

for the inspiration and motivation I receive from each of you each day!

In My Heart On Thursday

Before the thought that's inspiring me, a bit of business to get out of the way.

~You can now find Wandering Still on Facebook and Twitter.  Link to either one on the right side of this page or by clicking the hyperlinks above.

~I've applied to win a blogging grant at Mom Central.  It's an idea I feel passionately about and have dreamt of for a longtime.  This would be the opportunity to make it work.  View my vision and vote at:

  Exploring Out My Front Door

And now the words you came here for...

"No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. 

 We shall of course be very muddy and tattered by the time we reach home.

  But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out,

 and the clean clothes in the cupboard."

                                                                              -C. S. Lewis   

Where True Friends Are

As my Google Friend Connect following inches closer to that magic number of 100, I'm having a number of "new blogger" thoughts.  But, the thing is, I'm not really a new blogger.  I wrote my first entry for Wandering Still in 2007.  And about that same time I started my family's blog as well.

Gaining a "following" on this blog has been both exciting, motivating, and discouraging.  At first I was excited that there were people on the planet who wanted to read what I had to say.  And not only read it, but relate to it and respond back in some way.  The responses back were particularly motivating.  If there are people interested in what I have to say, then I'll give them more interesting things to read.  I see how that cycle works...that makes writing great for everyone.

The discouragement has come over the past few weeks as I've deleted scores of comments shamelessly advertising for other people's blogs.  I honestly could care less if you have hours everyday to scour bloghops and  directories looking for innocent bloggers who haven't religiously decided to follow your giveaways and freebies.  I have a life that doesn't involve always being attached to my computer, and I'm not going to follow you unless I want what you have to say to come across in my Google Reader and somehow enlighten my day.

Mean?  That's my truth.  And I'm comfortable saying it because I don't know most of you.  I know not every single thing I write is going to strike a chord in my readers.  On those days, I hope you make a promise to come back and see what I have to say the next time.  And let me know-even if you don't like it!

Where am I not comfortable expressing these feelings so clearly?  On my family blog.  If you were to hop over there right now you'd see my GFC counter has "0" connections.  Now, I have a handful of relatives that subscribe through a reader or an email subscription and I love them for that!  The trouble comes in the truth that that handful of people in my life are the extent of all the people I know who have one care to keep up with what's going on in the life of my kids or our family.

As I've started writing more frequently and perusing the wealth of blogs out there, I see that my family blog could easily do well if I decided to make it public.  I've resisted doing that for the sake of privacy and also to save my dignity...I feel like I'd end up making it public in a moment of desperation for SOMEONE to pay attention to me.  Obviously my husband and kids and myself don't need approval or high-fives for everything we do and everywhere we go.  But, just as when I write on this blog solely for the purpose of interacting with other people's thoughts and ideas, it'd be nice if our personal experiences were able to motivate or interest the people with which we share a personal connection.

So what is the answer?  Both in general writing blogs and in personal blogs?  How do you manage your friend connections?  What advice do you have for building up a committed and interested following?  And what made you decide to or not to publicly share your personal family blogs for all the world to see?  I'm just wondering.