It's All in What You Do

Everyone of us has a decision to make upon waking each morning. Our sequence of daily choices works as a conveyor belt moving us ever closer to the idealized person we can see in our dreams. My question today is whether or not people's perceptions of us reflect that person we want to be. Several events over the past few days have led me to take an inward look at my daily interactions with friends and family and re-evaluate the choices I consistently make. More accurately, in my case, to re-evaluate the choices I avoid making by keeping quiet and avoiding confrontation. Sunday afternoon I was excited to attend the final session of the Draper Temple dedication. As I sat with two other people I tried to focus on the beautiful photography being shown and music being played. I wanted to feel the sacredness of the moment and feel the peace that only the temple can bring. However, it wasn't long before I found myself drawn into the conversation going on beside me. We laughed and enjoyed each other's company (which is also appropriate and important in the temple) but the conversation too often focused on the shortcomings of another person we know. Although our thoughts were shared with love and understanding of that person's situation, our hearts too keenly desired to release the frustration we had been feeling. This conversation continued for nearly two hours outside in the car after the dedication had ended. Last night Ben and I watched a news program on ABC called What Would You Do? We were appalled as scenarios were set up and unsuspecting people unquestioningly did whatever it was they were asked to do. We watched a middle-aged lady put drugs in some body's soda and customers ignore a blatant discrimination attack. The most unbelievable sketch, though, was watching person after person steal a baby from a grocery store because a stranger with a badge had asked them for their help. We were appalled and asking, "Who would do that? Who wouldn't think it was strange for a cop to be asking a complete stranger at the last minute to do that?" The final situation that tied these all together came in a phone conversation this morning. I was taken off guard by a comment that was made and quickly took the comfortable road of mumbling evasive agreements like, "Oh," and "Huh." Not really adding to the conversation and the opinion, but not detracting from it either. That's the way I did or would have dealt with all three of these situations. In the first and the third I had every opportunity to speak up and share my feelings that the conversation was not appropriate or that the opinions could be very hurtful, especially being conveyed in such a way. The gravity of my passive behaviour, though, only really came to light as I thought about the show and the kidnapped baby. Of course I would not have any part of a situation like the one portrayed and so I was feeling pretty good about myself for that. Just like avoiding a beggar, I would have diverted my eyes and hurried along my way. Then Ben asked, "Why aren't any of them immediately calling the police to say a weirdo is outside the grocery store trying to steal a baby?" That thought had never crossed my mind (or his until that moment). Assuming the situation were real, I would have been as much at fault for the tragic outcome merely by not doing anything. Is any of this ringing true in anyone else's ears? Maybe not this exact character weakness, but something you know you do that is contradictory to the person you want to be? Thinking about it has already helped me and I feel more at ease with myself because of it. After hanging up this morning, I called two people who really know me and expressed to them the way I was feeling. Then, with their encouraging words, I followed up with a response I could feel good about. One that I hope showed I wasn't taking sides or looking poorly upon that person, but that showed I understood the concerns of both parties involved and hoped it could be addressed without me being in the middle. That's a big step for me and I hope tomorrow I wake up able to build on that step. My hope for every person I know and love is that they are able to find themselves doing the same. What is the thing you can do today that will enable you to wake up tomorrow one step closer to that person you dream to be?

A Lot of Thinking

How far back do your actions set you? This question popped into my head during church a few weeks ago and at the time I had a very specific incident in mind between Ben and my brothers-in-law. I wanted him to realize that simple decisions like which movie to watch or which television show to quote may speak volumes louder than his most genuine example of standing uprightly. Sitting through the rest of church other events ran through my mind:

• Raising your voice at a child when you're trying to teach him to use his indoor voice or the proper way to deal with anger
• Gossiping to a person with whom you've worked hard to build trust
• Slacking at your job or
• Breaking your word by neglecting a commitment or responsibility

Surprisingly, while thinking of these different situations I didn't allow myself to feel down about myself or the things that I am doing. I recognize that I'm human and sometimes do things I later wish I hadn't. Every one of us does. Knowing and admitting this can help us be more aware of how what we're doing and saying may be perceived. Believe it! We have the ability to change our own course of action and determine whether we will be better people one day. The longer I pondered this whole idea, the more I was reminded of another thought I had a few months ago around election time. Trying to reconcile the nation's choice with my own concerns and worries, I wondered, "What do you do after you've done all you can do?" The answer, of course, is get out of bed every morning, try to make the people around you smile, and try your best to stand strong for what you believe. Reflecting on these two questions together can help us find enlightenment. Most of us are good people trying hard to do good things every day. We want our children to feel protected and loved while they learn and grow. We want our friends and family to smile when they think of us and our co-workers to strive to work harder beside us. We make mistakes, but when we're humble enough to see the damage that's been done, we'll find the strength to try again the next day. If we can wake up and realize that yesterday was actually a pretty good day, then the foundation has been laid and the mistakes we make tomorrow may be a little bit smaller than the ones we make today. Building day by day and one mis-step at a time, we'll make it where we're trying to go and hopefully we'll made a positive impression along the way.

Who do you Judge?

How can we support and strengthen other people and their families? Stop Judging. Too many people in the world today are dealing with situations and circumstances they never would have imagined into their own life stories: unplanned pregnancies, broken marriages, alternative lifestyles, addictions. These are not usually things families invite upon themselves. Yet, they are happening every day and people are forced to decide how they are going to deal with the events that come their way. Where there is love and a close connection between family members and friends, less than ideal events like these are often met with compassion, support, forgiveness, and leniency. Can the same be said when tragedy or upheaval is happening to the neighbor down the street, the colleague down the hall, or the parishioner sitting in the pew in front of you? It is much easier to sit in our homes or around the table at the coffee shop and pass judgement on people and families who are having difficult times. Disapproval and reproach do no better in bringing about help and encouragment than would completely ignoring and avoiding the situation all together. Most of us have enough prudence not to appear so hateful and uncaring when confronting the afflicted directly, but do we really think that our "true" feelings and distaste are hidden? I guarantee you they are not. If we honestly desire to support and strengthen the people and families around us, we need to be sincere and offer understanding. In thinking we are above their lot in life, we only add to the sorrow and hurdles which they face. A parent dealing with a wayward child needs their entire focus on that child. The child will suffer more if his parents are dealing not only with their own feelings of failure and disappointment but also the stress of being under the neighborhood microscope. This is true regardless of the circumstances, and most of us know how it feels to be the person being judged. Not a single person on this earth is going to make it through their lifetime here on earth without a few bumps in the road. When it is your turn and your friends or familiy are hurting, my heartfelt prayer is that you emerge on the other end feeling stronger and closer together. Likewise, if you find yourself right now coasting along and enjoying the scenery, be mindful that exercising your most divine qualities (compassion, generosity, and humility) could mean the difference between a family that falters and a family that grows.