Thankful Thirty #2

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The first 4 months of my last pregnancy were not pleasant.  I was exhausted and my body was broken down.  Feeling completely different than I did when I was pregnant with both my boys, every person I know had decided I must be carrying a girl.  I thought they must be right...but it didn't matter.  I was sick and being tested to the edge of what I could bear.

There were days it took all I had to pour cold cereal and turn on the television for Beck and Peyton before falling back into bed for the rest of the day.  It was on those days that I knew this was it for me.  Three babies was going to have to be what made up our family.  Doubled over and in tears I plead with the Lord to give me the strength and willpower to make it through my delivery and then apologized to my husband that this was going to have to be our last child.  Enduring another pregnancy was just not going to happen for me.

At the same time my husband was secretly pleading with the Lord to take this burden from me.  He was feeling guilty for the role he played in bringing this weakness upon me, and he was begging to be able to endure it for me.  As blessed as he knew we are to bring newborn spirits into our family, he admitted to God that he never wanted to see me feeling this way again.

We both knew this would be the completing of our family.

And here brings in the focus of my gratitude today:  The Lord knew too.  He heard our prayers and listened to our pleas.  He didn't chastise us for reacting in such a temporal moment, but wrapped his arms around our arms and answered back,

 "I believe you and I understand what you are going through. 

 I am near you and I will continue to be right here with you."

That is when we found out we were having twins.   

The Lord knew our hearts and recognized what he had asked of me.  Yet He also knew he had a plan for our family and it included more than just one more being.  He accepted my terms of defeat and did what he could to do to make sure His plan for us was complete.  If I, with my earthly mind and suffering, had decided to not be pregnant ever again, He sent the spirits He had left for us into the world together.

I do not know what our future holds.  There may be a day yet when we decide we do need to grow our family.  What I do know is that in the moment when I needed the Lord to accept all I had left to give to Him, he kept in mind His plan for me.  

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father 
so personally familiar with me and with His plan for me.

Times Two

"Why did they send you in here today?"

"Just my normal 20-week ultrasound."

"Have you been measuring larger?"

Instant thought to myself: "Great, I'm a month farther along."

Actual response to the questions: "Nope."

LONG pause and then LONG grin...

"Um, there are two babies in there..........................................."

Yep, twins.  Coming out of my body and into our family in September.  Two more boys to add to my all-boy family.  Guess it's a good thing I had my travel mental breakdown 6 weeks ago...

Well, where did I go?

You might be thinking, "Gee, nice little break Michelle's taking in the middle of January."  I'm sure you're all just reeling from my lack of writing lately...right?  Doubtful.  But I did want to pop in today and give you a little update.

First, I went to Chicago for a week with two of my sisters and had a lot of fun, but also the stress of family relationship drama.  It drained me and I haven't felt like doing any deep thinking since I got back.

Second, I've been in the throes of morning sickness for a little over a week.  I really wish the term was not "morning" sickness, but rather, "You'll feel crappy when you wake up, crappy for all but about 1-hour during the day, and 10x more crappy at night before you go to bed" sickness.  Thank goodness for my most fabulous husband who has just let me lay around all day for basically 7 days.

Unfortunately, he left today for a week of work in California and it's back to acting like a grown-up instead of like my 4-year-old with the stomach flu.  With my mind focused on the basic skills of not regurgitating everything I eat, I might have a light presence here for awhile.  Or, then again, I might not.  We'll have to wait and see...