Thankful Thirty #16 (Relationships)

Source: flickr.com via Michelle on Pinterest

You are probably reading this at the beginning of your day, but I'm writing it at the end of my day and I'm tired and I'm ready to crash and I'm so glad my husband was willing to give the babies their bath tonight so I could sit for just one minute and relax.  He's a good dad.  He's a great husband!  I love him.

I'm grateful for thoughtful partnerships.

Thankful Thirty #2

Source:  via Pinterest

The first 4 months of my last pregnancy were not pleasant.  I was exhausted and my body was broken down.  Feeling completely different than I did when I was pregnant with both my boys, every person I know had decided I must be carrying a girl.  I thought they must be right...but it didn't matter.  I was sick and being tested to the edge of what I could bear.

There were days it took all I had to pour cold cereal and turn on the television for Beck and Peyton before falling back into bed for the rest of the day.  It was on those days that I knew this was it for me.  Three babies was going to have to be what made up our family.  Doubled over and in tears I plead with the Lord to give me the strength and willpower to make it through my delivery and then apologized to my husband that this was going to have to be our last child.  Enduring another pregnancy was just not going to happen for me.

At the same time my husband was secretly pleading with the Lord to take this burden from me.  He was feeling guilty for the role he played in bringing this weakness upon me, and he was begging to be able to endure it for me.  As blessed as he knew we are to bring newborn spirits into our family, he admitted to God that he never wanted to see me feeling this way again.

We both knew this would be the completing of our family.

And here brings in the focus of my gratitude today:  The Lord knew too.  He heard our prayers and listened to our pleas.  He didn't chastise us for reacting in such a temporal moment, but wrapped his arms around our arms and answered back,

 "I believe you and I understand what you are going through. 

 I am near you and I will continue to be right here with you."

That is when we found out we were having twins.   

The Lord knew our hearts and recognized what he had asked of me.  Yet He also knew he had a plan for our family and it included more than just one more being.  He accepted my terms of defeat and did what he could to do to make sure His plan for us was complete.  If I, with my earthly mind and suffering, had decided to not be pregnant ever again, He sent the spirits He had left for us into the world together.

I do not know what our future holds.  There may be a day yet when we decide we do need to grow our family.  What I do know is that in the moment when I needed the Lord to accept all I had left to give to Him, he kept in mind His plan for me.  

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father 
so personally familiar with me and with His plan for me.

Saying Good-bye

Recently my boys' best friends moved with their family to North Carolina to be closer to their grandparents.  It was a sad day for us all.  Driving home from their house the night before his friends would leave, Beck and my husband had a tender conversation about how life changes from time to time.  It was one of those parenting moments when we wanted to wrap our arms around our little ones and protect them from all things sad that happen in the world.  

The truth is, it was sad for me to.  You see, I am supposed to be the one who moves away.  I do the leaving.  Working in the seasonal hospitality industry, it was my normal routine to move somewhere, make 2-3 close friends, and then wave good-bye as our contracts came to an end.  Some tears, some sincere attempts to keep in touch, and then we'd simply find ourselves on our merry way.  There are a few people I've kept in contact with over the years, but the reality of distance and time usually take their toll.  Thinking back on the fabulous people I've been blessed to know makes me smile and hold back tears simultaneously, but that's the life I have become accustomed to.

So when I tell you my boys' best friends moved away, I must also say that one of my good friends has moved away as well.  And it's a very new feeling to be the person left behind, to watch somebody else do the leaving.  Not because there aren't other people to hang around with, and not because I needed that relationship to validate me.  Rather, because the event represents everything changing in my life as settled down mother of four in suburban America.

Beck, Peyton, and I of course have other friends.  For me that is still the same as before-a small group of beautiful people who make me better just by knowing them.  Our old friends came into our lives when we joined an in-home Joy School, and now we've joined a new homeschool play group where we're getting to know a brand new group of people.  Our lives will go on, they will just never be quite the same.  

How have you helped your children deal with friends moving away?

In My Heart On Thursday (Opportunity)

 "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give him courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

-Evan Almighty, 

as quoted on  Latter-day Homeschooling

Uniquely December: Letter-Writing Day

A few weeks back we had a lesson at church focused on taking care of ourselves as women.  One of the challenges we were given was to go home and write a letter.  Not an email, or a text, or a facebook comment...a genuine later.  The promise was made that taking the time to sit down, form our thoughts, and then express them would bring peace in the midst of our harried every day lives.  And not just our lives, but also the lives of the people to whom we're writing.

Letters are "the keepers."  Don't we all have a box or a file somewhere holding treasured salutations?  Maybe tucked inside a birthday card or folded neatly inside a scented envelope?  We don't read them everyday, but when we come across them our hearts are immediately carried back to the emotions of the day we received it.  A hand-written letter guarantees to bring a smile to mind over and over again.

I had three people come immediately to mind after receiving my letter-writing challenge.  One a friend I've been out of contact with for years but who just reached a goal she'd set way back then.  One a sister-in-law I admire for the life she's lived and the choices she's made.  And one my grandmother.

In my lifetime my grandmother's letters have been a precious gift.  They don't come often.  The thought comes to mind to write her only about once a year, but I always know I'll hear receive a message in return.  Her tiny cramped scrawl is pretty hard to read, but the squinting and transcribing is always worth the work.  Especially because my grandma is of the generation that believes nothing that happened in her life is important enough for people to want to know.  The letters she sends with brief accounting of how she passes her days will add immense depth to the history I'll piece together and share with the generations of my family.

I'm ashamed to admit I've only written one of my three letters, and that envelope is still waiting on my kitchen counter to be mailed.  I'm grateful for the reminder today to put my pen to paper and send a short little ray of happiness to the people in my life.

Can I pass the challenge along to you? 

 Sit down and write a letter to someone you know.  

See if it doesn't make you both feel better!

Uniquely December: World Aids Awareness Day

I was just a kid when Magic Johnson announced that he had been infected with HIV/AIDS.  Back then everybody was scared.  We didn't know about the disease, didn't understand how it evolved, how it was spread, or what a life with AIDS could be. That was twenty years ago.  Magic Johnson is still living and the face of AIDS has changed tremendously.

I have to admit I haven't had personal experience with HIV/AIDS and honestly have not given much thought to the disease.  I do know that while AIDS is present in people all around the world, infected people everywhere are living longer due to increased research, treatments, awareness, and education.  Unfortunately there are still places where the infection is still an epidemic-in particular, many nations of Africa.

A prominent reason for the AIDS explosion in these undeveloped countries is transfer of the infection from mother to child during pregnancy, birth, and/or breastfeeding  With the uneducated stigma of such a terrible disease, mothers too often receive inadequate information and resources to treat themselves, and they don't know there are precautions they can take to keep their babies healthy and safe.

The good news is that the picture of HIV/AIDS is looking better.  The 2011 UNAIDS report shows a significant drop recently in the number of new infections.  This has to be a result of hard work to increase the availability of testing and education and I've been especially touched by the efforts of the organization mothers2mothers.

mothers2mothers provide a full range of help to mothers in Africa dealing with the AIDS epidemic.  These include:

•  education and support to pregnant women and new mothers living with HIV to increase access and adherence to lifesaving interventions for them and their infants
• Provide education to clients before and after they take their HIV tests during pregnancy
• Provide one-on-one peer education and group support sessions to pregnant women and new mothers with HIV
• Offer services to women together with their partners as a couple

Visit the mothers2mothers website and find out more about the important work they are doing in Africa and Europe.  While you're there check out this sweet idea to get involved...

I have no affiliation with mothers2mothers-just a cause that moved me :)

For more information:

http://www.unaids.org/en/

http://www.aidsresearch.org/index.html

http://www.amfar.org/

http://www.time.com/time/interactive/0,31813,2021888,00.html

Underwater Worlds

When Ben and I were engaged he talked a lot about wanting to learn how to SCUBA dive.  That sounded adventurous and fun so of course I raved about how I wanted to do that too!  This though I'm a pretty terrible swimmer and had panicked the first time I'd tried snorkeling.  Since making such a bold statement, I've had several more opportunities for snorkeling and learning to SCUBA.  The snorkeling is getting better; the SCUBA is probably never going to happen.  What I've learned most of all is to be comfortable with my abilities.

My first snorkeling experience was with a group of friends on an organized tour in Bermuda.  Trying to look cool, and not wanting to look like the old lady on our tour, I declined a life jacket.  I made it about 2 minutes offshore before the guide took me back to the sand.  Brushing that off to my friends as seasickness (or something equally ridiculous) I eagerly followed them out into the open ocean at an abandoned beach hours later.  The underwater rocks beat up my legs and the current beat up my pride.  I spent most of the afternoon fooling around on the shore.

Goofing around with my friend Dave 

I tried exploring underwater depths in the same way several more times with no better results.  Looking good was always the determining factor and I'd rather make up an excuse to not go out rather than looking stupid.  Then, the changing day came.  

Ben and I had found a great little beach cove on the west coast of Mexico.  A local cabana shack charmed me into putting on a life jacket and Ben and I spent the entire day out on the water!  No boat or kayak, no tired arms or fear of drowning-just the two of us floating in the world alone.  It was amazing!  That's the day I set my pride aside and I allowed myself to have fun without embarrassment or worry.

A great snorkeling day

I am never going to be a diver.  It turns out that conquering my minimal swimming skills wasn't nearly as difficult as feeling comfortable with schools of fish swarming through my legs.  I enjoy being in the water and observing the underwater goings-on as I float safely distant from above.  It's true I may never see the most beautiful things down there to see, but I'm out there.  And that's pretty big to me!

 See A-T

In My Heart On Thursday

"Nurturing her own mind and spirit is more important to a mother's responsibilities

 than the meals she prepares for her family."

Janath Russell Cannon, Women of Covenant

Joy

On my new blog, Eating the Nibbly Bibs, the focus is 100% joy.  Both for my two boys and for me.  I'm working out of a fabulous book named Teaching Your Children Joy where I do a daily activity with them and then record my thoughts and observations on how it went.  

Here is a post from last week:

I'm InWhat I'm learning about parenting is this:  You have to be all in.  Children grow up whether you're intensely involved or not.  The opportunity we have is to be a part of that during the short amount of time we have with them.  And we choose the degree of intensity.

During the past four years I've had ups and downs-periods of complete attention and periods of viewing from the sidelines.  The last year I'd evaluate as fairly well checked out and the results are there to prove it.  Beck and I argue like he's a teenager.  Indeed I look at him and can see exactly what 14-year-old Beck will be.  But the good news is that that's true for the good times too!  I've noticed before, and I'm seeing it now...when I'm anxiously engaged in being mom to my two boys, they smile and laugh and want to be anxiously engaged with me.  It's a lesson worth learning, and one I'm sure I'll need to keep learning again and again.

Today's Teaching Your Children Joy activity was to "make spontaneity a high priority."  Be open to letting it happen anytime and anyplace.  It's hard to get past the point when you holler "No," or "Stop," "Sshhh!", but when you do it makes the world more interesting for both you and your child.

So try it.  Let them splash in a puddle.  Follow the direction of their pointing fingers and over-enthusiastic shouts of "LOOK!"  Clear the way and let them spin the kid cart while walking through the grocery store.  They'll be happier and you might just find yourself barefooted squishing mud between your toes.  

If you have little ones, or if you don't, I'd love to have you come on over and check it out... 

Eating the Nibbly Bibs

For earlier A-Z posts...

In My Heart On Thursday

"And I may have seen it from her back, how she pulled herself together and shifted her weight from one place inside her body to another, from where she was, to where she thought maybe I was."

-Per Petterson, I Curse the River of Time

Don't forget to enter my A Blogtastic Extravaganza Giveaways going on now!

In My Heart On Thursday

The Echo

'Twas a sheep not a lamb

That strayed away in the parable Jesus told,

A grown-up sheep that strayed away

From the ninety and nine in the fold.

And why for the sheep should we seek 

And earnestly hope and pray?

Because there is danger when sheep go wrong:

They lead the lambs astray.

Lambs will follow the sheep, you know, 

Wherever the sheep may stray.

When sheep go wrong, 

It won't take long till the lambs are as wrong as they.

And so with the sheep we earnestly plead

For the sake of the lambs today,

For when the sheep are lost

What a terrible cost

The lambs will have to pay.

-C.C. Miller, as read by Elder Richard J. Maynes, Establishing a Christ-Centered Home

What Do You Do In a Family?

Yesterday I had the great privilege to teach a lesson at church on family responsibility (basically, parenting).  A week ago I was irrevocably convinced I was the last person on earth qualified to teach that particular lesson and almost called to back out.  As the week progressed I thought to myself, "If any of my neighbors are in class on Sunday, I'll have to feign immediate illness."  They would surely call me out as a completely unqualified hypocrite.  But the Holy Ghost does wonderful things when you turn over your life in humility.  When it was all said and done, the 35 minutes I spent in front of the class was the most spiritual time I've ever felt while teaching.

Here are some of the things the spirit taught to me:

 My kids are children of our Heavenly Father.  They have His spirit, and their spirits studied with Him, learned from Him, and grew to maturity before they were given the opportunity to come to me. When I look at them I need to see what He sees and ask, "Who are you?" instead of "Why are you doing that?" or "What were you thinking."  My role as their mother is as much to learn from them as it is to teach them the things that I know.

In the grand scheme of things, what is really important for me to teach them?  To have faith.  To believe in the power of repentance.  That by making right choices, they can have the Holy Ghost as a constant guide.  And to pray (D&C 68:25, 28).  And if these are the things they are to learn, then I need to be sure to teach them in meekness and with patience.  I need to be ever kind and focused on true knowledge rather than my human confusions.  I need to be able and willing to clarify their mistakes with love.  Everything I do needs to pull them closer towards me rather than build up a moat that pushes them away (D&C 121:41-44)

It is a marvelous thing to have a family and that part of that family compound is a spouse to share both the burdens and the joys. I appreciated the council provided in my lesson material for my husband laying out simply the three things which are essential in his role as a father:

• Being worthy of the sacred calling to be a father and living in a way that allows him to perform in that capacity
• Making it a priority to spend time individually with each of his kids.  To get to know them and build a relationship where they can always feel comfortable calling on him.
• To provide for his family 

I especially appreciated the order of those three things.  His focus, and our focus together, should always be on the spiritual things first.  And while it is his responsibility, if possible, to provide for us, it should never become his main priority.

That brings me, then, to what I should be doing as a mother.  More than anything, my little boys need me to be spending time with them.  They need me to play with them and teach them life doesn't always have to be serious.  Children learn the best through play and I should never pass up the opportunity to listen to the things  they are imagining and dreaming.  

I need to do everything in my power to provide the best example of faithfulness and spiritual strength.  My actions and attitudes go a long way in allowing the spirit to dwell in our home and bring the peace children need to feel when surrounded by family.  Someday they will leave our home and head out into the world.  When they do it won't matter if someone else has to teach them to sew on a button or properly wash the dishes.  I would never dream of leaving their seeds of testimony to be planted and cultivated by the outside world.

A story in The Book of Mormon teaches about of a group of 2000 young men who fought valiantly for their families and their communities in battle.  Through trouble and strife, they ever laid the source of their courage at the feet of their mothers.

...and they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage...but behold, this was not all-they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.  Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him...yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying, : "We do not doubt our mothers knew it." Alma 53:20-21, 56:47-48

That brings me to the last, and most important, thing I took away from my lesson yesterday: A mother's testimony can have a profound influence on her children.  I would add that a mother without a strong testimony will have an equally profound influence on the testimonies of the spirits with which she has been entrusted.  And yet, we are not alone.  Being a parent is far from easy and there will continue to be times when my spirit is dampened and trampled.  Yet I know there is no need to worry.  The Lord is watching over me.

In My Heart On Thursday

Meet My...

...Father-In-Law...

Duane Hiatt

Interesting Fact #1: Duane and his wife Diane brought 15 hilarious and thoughtful people into the world.  After Diane passed away from ovarian cancer, Duane and his 15 kids relied on their faith that the family is central to the Lord's plan and that He had a plan for each one of them.  A year later an equally faith-filled woman named Sharon came into their lives and together the 17 of them continued onward into the world.  Now, nearly 25 years later 17 has grown to 87 with 15 spouses, 54 grandchildren, and the oldest grandchild's fiance joining the family this year.

Interesting Fact #2:  There is a fairly short song every LDS Primary child knows called, "Follow the Prophet," (9 verses is short for a kid's song, right?).  Asked to write the song only weeks after Diane had passed away, the song holds special meaning to our family and Duane continues to share the message portrayed in the song whenever he has the opportunity.   

Interesting Fact #3  Duane is the only rock star I know.  Really!  In the days of Elvis and the Beetles he performed in a band called  "The Three D's." Touring across the United States, Canada, and Asia in a time when the face of music was changing, they found increasing success by keeping a clean image and entertaining without lowering their moral standards.  Their music is particularly refreshing today when #1 hits too often are denigrating and evocatively offensive.  Covering both religious and secular subjects and songs, each album has distinct character.  My personal favorite album is Rhyme, Rhythm, and Reason-Great Poetry Set to Music.

My father-in-law has lived a full life and earned the right to sit and rest, but that's not who he is.  He continues guiding the people around him with big ideas and entertaining delivery.  The Three D's message is as essential and applicable as it was when three young family men first took it out on the road and that is the reason I'm sharing this part of my life with you!

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The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints held their annual General Conference this weekend.  Available almost immediately world-wide via internet streaming and radio broadcast, I still appreciate the blessing of living in Utah and being able to watch it live on network tv.  This year I tried to keep my boys interested with coloring pages and crafts that taught the names of the leaders who were speaking.  For the first time in many years I was able to enjoy all four sessions without too many child distractions.  

So many of the messages spoke directly to troubles or worries I have in my life, but the talk I can't get out of my head today was by Elder Lynn G. Robbins.

The difference between "doing" and "being."  I asked my husband last night what he needs from me-how I can be a better wife and make his life more enjoyable.  I was expecting a long list of chores like "put away the laundry instead of leaving it folded in the clothes basket for a week" and "have all the toys put away when I get home from work at the end of the day."  Instead he poured out his heart with his desires for me to remember the beautiful person I was when we were first together.  He didn't have a big gold star to award me when I finished a checklist of household duties.  Instead he shared the pain he feels as he sees me pulling away from him and our kids, and his fear that one day I will wake up not able to remember what it means to be happy.

Now, there's no need to rush out and put me into therapy.  I have spent a lot of time lately very introverted and selfishly looking only at me.  There's a slippery slope in that and I've allowed myself to start down it.  Not too far down, though and to see that today is very refreshing.

The reason it matters to me so much all of a sudden?  A great opportunity to fulfill a dream has opened up unexpectedly.  It's the right time and will be incredibly successful, but I don't have my cards in order.  Quite a few other messages given this weekend stressed the importance of being ready for the blessings of eternity when they become available to you.  Obviously I'm already married and have two beautiful little boys; what I've neglected to work on is my time management and putting them at the center of my life.  It's hard to convince them that starting a huge new endeavour won't leave them even more in the peripheral of my eye.

And so, that is what I am starting on today.  Rededicating myself to the small and simple things-daily prayer and scripture study, listening and praising, putting away the laundry and maybe even helping wash the dishes.  The other project is going to move forward and that's exciting as well as scary.  Hopefully re-creating the strength of love for my family, myself, and my relationship with my Heavenly Father will be the piece of the puzzle that makes this upcoming venture attainable.

Back In the Day-Walking Through Fountains

This photo comes from the time in my life I like to call my "fountain days."  What happy memories come flooding back as I think about the free-spirit I was back then feeling the invitation of refreshing bubbling water.  And its impossible to think about fountain-hopping without also thinking of my old friend Jason.

I started college when the internet was still a novelty.  Sitting in the campus library I signed up on a Christian dating site and quickly met two fantastic people.  One of those people was Jason and it was only a matter of months before I hopped on a plane to New Jersey to meet him. My mom dropped me off at the airport a little confused and a lot scared and horrified.  I figured that out when I didn't think to call her upon arrival and she hunted me down by phone at Jason's grandmothers home.(Important clarification: Jason and I were always just friends.  Our hotel rooms always had two beds and we never even held hands.  I'm not sure my family has ever believed me.)

I learned a lot of important life lessons while cavorting around the country to meet Jason.  Here area few of the gems that stayed with me:

Always have food available for the needy.
I met Jason's grandmother that very first weekend.  In her kitchen drawer, where you and I might keep the dishtowels or utensils, she had a full stock of SPAM, just in case somebody ever stopped by collecting for the food bank.

There really is a wrong side of the tracks.
On a business trip in Baltimore, Jason's company put us up in the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in .  One night while out on a walk we crossed a bridge and immediately found ourselves in the most run-down neighborhood I've ever been in.  I was terrified and even Jason gave pause as we walked in one block, over one block, and out one block.  A girl followed two steps behind singing the theme from "Reading Rainbow" until we reached the bridge where she stopped and we high-tailed it back to luxury.

Security guards do a lot of looking at you funny, not much anything else.
Washington D.C. is fountain mecca and where I took my first wet foray.  (Don't panic, I never got up the nerve to actually walk through the reflecting pool on the National Mall!) This is where I also learned that the Benjamin Franklin monument is very slippery and that getting on a subway train while soaking wet is a freezing cold terrible idea.

I don't know why I eat the way I do.
Slipping into a local diner and sharing an order of fries, Jason looked perplexed when I quit eating halfway through.  When he asked why I answered without thinking, "Those ones don't have ketchup on them."  Only then did I realize I had that little oddity.  I pour ketchup all over the top of my fries and quit eating as soon as the ketchup-ed fries are gone.

Any place can be interesting.
Several times Jason's work took him to Killeen, TX, and I'd meet him down there.   Killeen, TX, is to pawn shops what Washington D.C. is to water fountains.  Aside from the military base there is no reason to go there.  South of Killeen, however, is Georgetown, TX, and a beautiful bed and breakfast with rooms in the carriage house.  Heading north halfway to my home in Iowa you'll find Wichita, KS-also a very boring city.  But if you're their on the right night you'll witness the most incredible lightening storm and then have the adventure of getting stuck in flash flooding.

Criminals can look just like you and me.
Jason always told me his older brother had been exiled from the country for bank embezzling.  Once while on a country drive he nonchalantly asked if I'd ever done anything illegal and then told me the details of his entrepreneurial side business producing fake credit cards for teenagers.  One of the last times I saw him he got notice that he was to have a meeting at the Pentagon and shortly after that a letter letting me know he wouldn't be contacting me anymore.  Either the most elaborate "Hey, I don't want to see you anymore" I've ever received, or a guy who got himself into some big trouble.  I'm still leaning towards the later.

And that's a shame.  I will forever look back on that relationship as one of the truest and most free of my lifetime.  The adventures we had and experiences I gained still make my happy heart leap.  We all need that one moment in time where the person we're with and the places we are fit magically into place and continue making us feel giddy, happy, goofy, and free no matter how it ended or where it led.

Now you're heard mine, so tell me, when were your "fountain days?" 

In My Heart On Thursday

"Adventure is fun and exciting and not like anything at home.  It's looking back and knowing you can do something-because you did it."

-Nan Jeffrey, Adventuring with Children

What was your last adventure?

In My Heart On Thursday

"The female brain is 'super-highway' of connections, whereas the connections in the male brain are better described as a 'little crookedy country road.'"

-Stephen James &  David S. Thomas, Yup. Nope. Maybe.

To Be Loved

I had the privilege to attend a talk by Elvin R. Tanner last week.  He is an accomplished psychologist and professor.  He and his wife live in my church ward and are such a great example.  Married more than 50 years, they still dote over each other and can count the number of arguments they've had on one hand.  The topic of the talk was love.  Any lecture with such generic subject matter has the possibility of being very bland, but my heart was touched.  The Lord gently reproved me for laziness in my most important relationships and encouraged me through expert advice to wake on a new day and share my love in the way He shares His love with me every day.

"Do you know how hard it is to love a porcupine?"

Think about that for a moment.  Originally the question was asked by a mother to her contentious teenage daughter (thanks, Emily, for sharing).  Tired of hearing her daughter proclaim, "You don't love me!", the mother decided to pull her aside and explain this very simple life lesson.  It changed their relationship tremendously.

Are teenagers the only prickly people on the planet?  Definitely not.  It is humbling to think of how I would hate to be greeted at the end of a work day by a grumbling spouse or harangued with a "honey-do" list a mile long and an equal amount of criticism to go along with it.  How would I react if every time I tried to get attention, the people most important in my life brushed me off with an abrupt, "I'm busy right now," or "I don't have time."  

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable." -Benjamin Franklin

Do you know a person without the desire to be loved?  Of course not.  But, how many people do you know who are completely content in all of their relationships?  There are some out there, and what a delight they are to know and learn from; their countenances truly shine.   I fear, however, that there are far more people out there in a situation similar to mine.  Quick to point out faults and pick apart weaknesses.  We're not a world full of Peggy Bundy bon-bon eaters, but we do spend too much effort wondering why our friends don't reach out to us more often and why our family members are distant.  

We need to pour out sincere, unselfish love on a daily basis.  It needs to become a habit in our everyday lives.  Learn what makes your husband smile and do it.  Pay attention to your child's latest passion, learn about it, and engage them.  Smile when your loved ones are around and surprise them with unexpected praise.  Maybe it's become a habit to complain with friends about everything wrong in the world.  Next time you get together, spread compliments around on what wonderful women they are.  Or, better yet, pay attention to their normal complaints and troubles. I guarantee we're missing out on ample opportunities for service and love when we spend our days only focusing on what we want and what we're missing. 

"You selected him."

A recent study concluded that women are stressed because their husbands are ugly. They determined that while courting and as newlyweds, we are blinded to a person's look by the good things they do and love they pour out upon us.  Over the years, as the courting ends we're left with the less-than-attractive facade covering a realistically attractive inner being.  My husband and I have gotten a fair share of joking out of these findings, but there is real inspiration in it.  In most cases the person we wed on our wedding day is the same person we were married to the next day and the same person we are still married to today.  Our rose-colored glasses may be fading enough to allow us to see some of their shortcomings, but those have probably existed from day one and they may have even been endearing way back then.  

My point is, he's the person you chose to fall in love with.  I'm not implying that the world is inhabited by women who hate the man their married to, but we do, as whole, tend to be a little critical.  We knit-pick and nag.  I'm suggesting that the next time we feel the fleeting urge to complain again about the dirty socks on the floor or argue about who should change the oil in the car, that we should stand back and sneak a look at the man standing before us.  I hope the person we allow ourselves to see standing before us is the man and the tender spirit we chose to love all those years ago.

"Love is a spiritual attitude. As you love God, love your mate."

Love is a gift from God.  He has given it to us asking little in return.  To spread it amongst the people we meet.  To make the world a better place by sharing love with others.  To remember Him and all we have been given.  

This was my "ah-ha" moment while listening to this lecture on love.  My Heavenly Father has given me more love than I deserve and continues to pour it out upon me.  His Son made the sacrifice to come to the Earth and leave a followable example of how to administer love perfectly.  There is not a chance that my earthly relationships will flourish if I am not fully cultivating my spiritual relationship with they who embody the essence of love.  As I become closer to them, pray to them, and seek for guidance, I will discover greater strength and desire to spread love to the people in my home, my community, and the world.  The more I study the creators of love, the more I will understand the way it works and the good it can do.  I will be more accepting of myself, more genuine to my friends, more serving to my family.  

My desire on this Valentine's Day is that we, as women, will have the desire to find love within ourselves.  Love who we are.  Love the people we have chosen and have been given.  Love people who haven't asked for love.  And love the One who has given us the opportunity.

In My Heart On Thursday

"I will not fail you, my love.  I will continue on the path we shared, and I know you will be there to help me, as you always were.  And when we meet again at the journey's end, and we laugh together once more, I will have a thousand things to tell you."

-Noor Al Hussein, Leap of Faith; Memoirs of an Unexpected Life