The Way Life Turns Out To Be

A professor once asked the students of her marriage preparation course, "What are the most important values you are looking for in a spouse?" The lists were long: sense of humour, intelligence, faith, steady job, good family, similar interests, education, sense of adventure, loyalty, stability... The professor then asked, "What one of those values is your top priority?" Without much pause, students responded: sense of humour, intelligence, faith, steady job, good family, similar interests, education, sense of adventure, loyalty, stability... They, like most of modern society, wanted it all. *

We are fortunate to live in an age when any dream can be realized or obtained. What a marvelous thing! We should never take it for granted; we should also never let it cloud our vision. The fact of the matter is, "having it all" only comes after we've obtained important things individually. Very few people win the lottery and see all of their dreams fulfilled in one lump sum. We have to prioritize or instead of achieving all our goals we'll find ourselves many years down the road living with none of them.

 Let's use relationships as an example. Every one of the attributes listed above is noble and desirable. It is natural to judge new acquaintances in accordance with the characteristics we value. The key is not letting the entire list keep us from getting to know a person better. We would remain friendless and alone for eternity. Allowing ourselves to be pulled towards what is good enables us to explore what more could be good. It is here, unfortunately, where we begin to see another sort of problem. Instead of negating all people because they don't match every standard, some people throw common sense out the window and choose instead to naively accept all people. In the end, neither scenario is going to bring us closer to achieving our goals. 

I think every person can benefit from setting down to re-evaluate the areas of life where they've had goals and dreams-work, community involvement, diet, etc. Think back to a time when these ideas were new. What made you smile and feel happy? What ideas did you have about where life was heading? What was most important and have you held onto that as you've moved forward towards achieving your goals? If not, there is still time to pause and reconsider how to redirection your life so that those important attributes surround you. And, then, here's the kicker: What were your dealbreakers? What were the things that you absolutely would not accept? If you ever find yourself questioning why life has turned out so differently than you'd imagined or if there is an aspect of life that continually (or confusedly) makes you unhappy, take a moment to also reconsider these things. 

We are blessed to live in a time where we can achieve every single thing our hearts and minds set out to do. Let us work towards those goals by making sure we stand steadfast on the individual attributes that will make us the person we want to be. (*Thank you to Jacque DeGaston for relating this story)

Thanks for allowing me the liberty to re-post this entry from my first year of writing.  Feeling uninspired in life right now, I'm grateful to the Lord for leading me back to my own enlightened guidance...

May All Your Christmases Be Bright

The winter holidays are meant for kids.  Santa Claus is real, snow falls solely for sledding and building snow families, and a baby (just like I used to be, they'll say) was born in the hay.  When else do we let them bring trees in the house or bury them with brand new toys, shiny paper, and glittery ribbon?  In the thick of it, they'll tell you every bit of it is magical.  It's not until we get a little older that particular pieces of that holiday magic begin to plant themselves in a special part of our memory.  For me, the enchantment was the Christmas tree.

Growing up in Iowa, the formula for the perfect Christmas tree involved waiting for a bitter cold day and swirling biting winds.  The whole family piled out of the station wagon at the country Christmas tree farm, picked up a hacksaw and trudged acres and acres to the farthest, most un-harvested hill.  The arguments then ensued as six girls poured out their hearts in defense of their " perfect"  tree.  Ultimately, Mom got the one she wanted, and the saw went to work chopping down her tree.

The adventure continued on as we dragged our enormous tree back across the snow-laden hills looking for a tractor and trailer willing to give us a ride back to our car.  If we were lucky, the tree would fit in the baler-one year it would not-and a great big Christmas tree bundle got strapped to the top of the car.  Piling back into the station wagon, we raced home to set up our tree.

The happy memories don't end there.  Getting the tree home was only half the act.  Enter Pa-pa and his voice of reason.  "Dawn, that tree is too big.  It won't fit in our house."  He was right nearly every year.  The tree's trunk always  received a second round of shearing before taking it's place front and center in the living room window.

After the tree was decorated and lit, we enjoyed seeing more and more presents accumulate underneath.  We would plug in the lights in the late afternoon and sometime before going to bed, Mom and Dad would unplug it again.  Until Christmas Eve.  On Christmas Eve we all knew the twinkling lights stayed on all night.  Early in the morning (or later in the morning depending on how old we were getting to be), six girls would tumble out of bed, shuffle into the living room and be greeted with the most breathtaking sight!  The glow of the Christmas tree illuminated the room, shining off wrapping paper, and calling attention to a big bag from Santa. Spread out on the floor, in front of the tree, were six stuffed-to-the-brim stockings inviting us to come and partake.  With the allure of new toys, the moment was over in the blink of an eye, but the living room aglow on Christmas morning is what Christmas time magical to me.

Imagine then, the struggle it's been with a husband who grew up a little bit differently.  In a home that in all ways seemed even more frugal than my own, the electric bill at Christmas time apparently just went out the window.  He wants the lights on all the time, day and night and any extra time in between.  Last year we followed each other around, secretly plugging and unplugging.  I was certain he was being obstinate only because he didn't like digging around for the loose cords to fit into the socket.  There had to be a solution before we started our holiday celebrating again this year.

In come our kids.  Even before talking about getting a tree, Beck was telling us excitedly and assuredly that Christmas trees have lots of presents and candy canes.  I have no idea where the candy canes came from, but he was certain and now our tree is covered in candy canes and he's eating one every day.  The first night we had our tree up I heard Beck telling his dad that if he couldn't sleep he would just come out and look at the tree.  The second night we had our tree up, I found him Beck sleeping on the couch and when he woke up the first thing he said was, "I just wanted to lay here and look at this beautiful tree."

A mom's heart melts.  It's a struggle to walk by and see the lights on at all times of the day.  I want my family to know joy the way I remember it as a child.  At the same time, who am I to take away a three-year-old's joy?  Children make the holidays!

An Evolution of Holiday Greetings

I used to try so hard to find the perfect Christmas card-not generic, not preachy, not boring, not something my grandma would send.  Pawing through shelf after shelf of impersonal greeting cards was a tedious task, but, when the perfect box of cards appeared before me, I unhesitatingly snatched them up and sent them out with cheer.  Then, when I met my husband, my Christmas card tradition began to be turned on it's ear.  His entire family was using photo cards long before I had ever heard of them.  Most were sending out the obligatory annual family photo card, however, the "Super Six" were still single, living at home, and living unabashedly against the rules.  The first card I saw them concoct was indescribably ugly-everyone dressed in black with construction paper ornaments framing their heads.  It could only be topped at a later date when I got a glance of the card they had sent out the year before...there certainly should have been no question why none of them had a date for the holidays that year!   

It was fun in our first married years to meld together holiday traditions.  I adopted the photo card tradition and we put our hearts and souls into making sure they were an extension of who we were.  One year we decided to wait until January to send cards and to this day I am in love with the idea of sending New Year greetings.

This year I guess is the year we become old.  We have decided to go the route of the traditional family photo.  The main reason?  This is the first year we've spent the time to find a good photographer and actually think about what we're wearing.  The pictures turned out well and so we're sharing.  The supporting reason?  I found the most beautiful and inspiring holiday photo card on Shutterfly.com.  It melds together the personality of a photo card with the sentimentality of a traditional boxed card.  And I immediately felt it shared our current holiday point of view.

Curious about this card that has inspired it's very own blogpost?  A few of them have already been mailed, a few are waiting for stamps, and I have a stack just waiting for you to tell me you can't wait to see it.  Leave me a comment and I'll get it on it's way!

Doing It Before I Think About It

The Deseret Book at Temple Square is presenting a watercolor art exhibit through the end of the Christmas Season.  The artist is Elder Richard G. Scott (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints).  After admiring a friend's artwork, Elder Scott began exploring his own artistic abilities and 40 years later is sharing the product of that decision.  A nuclear engineer by trade, Elder Scott has found inspiration and escape through painting.  A hidden talent now on public display.

This particular art exhibit has thoroughly intrigued me as I struggle daily to find inspiration in sharing my own talents.  I am a writer, I feel confident enough to say.  I find joy in putting words together and enjoy when other people read what I have to say. Just as with Elder Scott, maybe people are not aware of that talent within me.   I have not exercised my ability in some time.  Call it writer's block, or laziness, it has been a long time since I've been able to stream together a series of sentences that anyone else would want to read.  It seems the more stressed or overwhelmed my life becomes, the quicker I am to turn away from what should be a source of release.  I feel like I have absolutely nothing to say.

My father-in-law, Duane Hiatt, has been a performer all his life.  Singing, orating, and enacting historical impressions, his talents and abilities have always been out there for the public to see.  When Ben and I were first married it was so exciting to see him performing Lincoln or giving a fireside or singing old 3d's tunes.  I use to be so baffled that his own kids and other in-laws were not as captivated as me.  I've deciphered, though, that it's because Duane has not spent his life afraid to share those songs and stories; they are well-known and well-appreciated by the people who have known him for long periods of his life.

And, so, I find it encouraging that he is now writing a blog in which he's sharing stories and lessons that not everybody has known.  It is surprising people and generations that have known him for awhile, that his ability to tell a story through the written-word is as entertaining as all his other abilities.  Obviously, Duane is in a different time of life than I am, but he's still a busy man finding time to share his thoughts and bring brief rays of light in my sometimes uninspiring days.

We hear all the time that each of us has talents to develop and share.  I know a lot of people but wouldn't say that I know the special abilities of too many of them.  That makes me sad.  I want to know what inspires you, what gives you joy and a break from the mundane-ness of your day.  I want to find more inspiration to share my talents with you-maybe talents I don't even recognize that I have, but definitely the writing ability I know I do have.

With these thoughts as my inspiration today, I'm going to spell-check and post without doing any other proof-reading.  If I take one moment to review and re-think today I know this will turn into one more thought that never makes it out of my head.  Thank you for reading.  Give me the opportunity to reciprocate with your God-given talents and abilities. I look forward to it!

A Year of Reading 2009

Looking through the list of "Recent Reads" on my blog has taken me on a short trip through the past year.  The diverse range of topics left my head spinning but also encourages me that there is an interesting story here for anyone.  Along with my reviews of the following books, I want to share two reading-related websites that I found and used this year.

First is www.paperbackswap.com.  It allows you to list books you're willing to part with in exchange for books you are interested in.  There is no fee to sign up and the process works on a credit system.  You send out a book and then receive a credit to get a book.  You pay media mail rates to ship out your books, but pay nothing to get the "new" book sent to you.  Generally the shipping is less than $2.50 and it usually only takes 10 days max from requesting a book to ripping off the wrapper and delving in.

The second website is www.goodreads.com.  This site allows you to list and review books you have read and then share the list with your friends.  It's been so interesting to learn more about my sisters-in-law just by their choice of story. 

Now, on to the books.  If you've read anything listed here, I'd love to hear your review.  If not, I hope you'll find something that sounds interesting (or check out last year's list at http://wanderingstill.blogspot.com/2009/01/year-of-reading.html.)  And, it's a new year so any must-read suggestions for 2010 are always welcome!

1 The Christmas Sweater-Written by Glenn Beck, it was a pretty good short read.  The writing is a little jumpy but believable from the child's perspective it's written in.  Nice ending I didn't expect.  Wish I'd seen the live performance.

2 Women of Covenant: Story of Relief Society-Pretty good information on early LDS church history.  The pioneer history was a little more interesting than the organizational history.  Favorite quotes:  "The men couldn't or didn't do what I asked them to so now I'm going to ask the women," and "To the women there belongs a right which lies deeper than suffrage, higher than education, and sweeter than enforced virtue.  It is the right of choice; the right to choose what she shall be." 

3 Mormon Enigma: Emma Hale Smith-Made me really question polygamy and Joseph Smith's secrecy on the subject, but did not make me question my testimony.  Very enlightening on Emma Smith and her decision to stay in Nauvoo.  Clarified why she was so disliked in Utah throughout the years.

4 Mornings on Horseback-1st of 2 books this year about Theodore Roosevelt.  I almost quit reading this one-the beginning was very forced and completely not captivating.  Sometime after he left for college the story became more interesting.  Decided it was because the information on his childhood was pieced together from letters and journals while in his older years there were many more sources to rely on. The North Dakota part was interesting because I've visited Medora, but I didn't understand the ending.  Left me with too many unanswered questions about him.

5 Recovering Charles-From the author's journalist background, the Hurricane Katrina descriptions are fantastic and made me think of my New Orleans friends returning home from Alaska to the devestation and what they went through.  Has a lot of annoying flashback sequences.  I loved the twist with the funeral photo, but then the "break-up" and "make-up" scenes were pretty expected and generic.

6 Revolutionary Road-No idea why people like this book, but can see why it made a good movie.  Still it was thought-invoking and left me pondering dream life versus reality and which to work towards, how people are fake, and left me wondering, "If people in the 50's were giving up, what hope is there for people in our day?"

7 Waiting for Snow in Havana-Started with great childhood memories of Cuba and written the way a child thinks.  Further into the book the author starts switching back and forth between that perspective and his adult thoughts and that got a little annoying.  The story spends too much time merely alluding to the change with Fidel Castro and very little about the change itself.  It was really interesting to learn about Cuba and the revolution, but maybe not entirely realistic since the main characters were wealthy. Favorite quote, "Dante was so wrong.  At the lowest point, at the nadir of the ninth circle of hell, Satan will be sharing eternally cold space with treasonous brownnosers who abandon their principles and do what is wrong for the sake of a good grade, or applause.  And these brownnosers will have to lick Satan's razor-studded butt forever and ever, with their tongues."

8 The Year of Magical Thinking-BIG LET DOWN!  Thought it was going to be an uplifting story of coping and growing and moving on.  Instead it was an entire year of not coping or moving on.  May be an accurate depiction of grief, but I didn't have any reason or desire to read about it.

9 The Railway Children-Refreshing!  It's a juvenile fiction story from the earlier 1900's, but super sweet.  I expected with every turn of the page that now something cynical would happen, but it never did.  Loved it!

10 Report From Ground Zero-Full of great testimonies from rescue workers and family that were at the World Trade Center on 9/11/2001.  The author, however, seemed to be patting himself on the back.  When he got tired and bored of volunteering or helping out, he would just move on.  The 2nd half of the book put a better perspective on experiences and became more apparent that the book project was really his story and his coping mechanism.  If you accept that, the book is fine. 

11 Leap of Faith: Memoirs of an Unexpected Life-Story of Queen Noor of Jordan.  It opened my understanding of the problems in the Middle East and the role that the U.S. has there.  An expectedly biased telling of events, but very good.  Favorite quote, "I will not fail you, my love.  I will continue on the path we shared, and I know you will be there to help me, as you always were.  And when we meet again at the journey's end, and we laugh together once more, I will have a thousand things to tell you."

12 House of Mirth-1st of 4 Edith Wharton stories I read this year.  My new favorite book!

13 The Reef-2nd Edith Wharton story. Didn't ever figure out the title.  The main character Anna is very tedious.  The story was originally written in installments for a newspaper and that is obvious when reading it as a complete book.  It doesn't flow.  Wouldn't recommend reading it.

14 50 Boyfriends Worse Than Yours-10-minute read.  Not quite to an almost funny rating.

15 The Custom of the Country-3rd Edith Wharton Story. Readable.  That's about all I can say.

16 Up Shit Creek-Hilarious and Disgusting!  About the  various types of portable poo-contraptions available on whitewater rafting expeditions.  Will make you roll on the floor, cry, and lose your lunch all at the same time.

17 The Age of Innocence-4th Edith Wharton story. Pretty good.  Written from a guy's perspective.  Compared to the other three stories, there were some contradictions in environments and time frame.  I wish she had more plainly stated what time frame this story was meant to take place.  I was hoping for a happy light ending.  Also, after these four books, I definitely needed a break from love stories.

18 The Wonder of Boys-Good ideas for the parenting of boys-especially older boys.  I blogged more on this book at http://wanderingstill.blogspot.com/2009_05_01_archive.html.

19 Shadow Divers-Fascinating true story about a scuba diving team that discovered an undocumented sunken U-boat off the coast of New Jersey.  The characters are well-developed and the technical descriptions of deep-water diving are well explained.  Don't write it off just because you're not a diver, it really is interesting!

20 Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim-The author is funny and the story is well-written, but has too much swearing and two completely inappropriate sections.  As with most of the author's writing, this book is taken from family stories.  I won't be reading anymore of his work-it's too crude for me.  That's too bad, because he is really funny.

21 The Quality of Life Report-The depiction of the midwest is nothing like the midwest I grew up in (except in the spot-on description of winter.  That was perfect.). Unfortunately, my opinion is that the reviewers for this book ate it up just like the main character's New York fans ate up her phony reports.

22 Daisy, Daisy-Horrible book filled with inaccurate facts and history.  A true story about an English woman who rode her bicycle across the United States.  The geography and chronology are completely discombobulated.  She never even tells you how long it took her.  The only redeeming quality was the inspiring idea of cycling across the country.  

23 I Love Dirt!-Creative ways to get kids to notice and explore their outdoor surroundings.

24 Cooking Art-A fun book of recipes and ideas for cooking with kids.  For the focus age a lot of the instructions could have been much simpler.  I wish it had color photographs instead of sketches.

25 River of Doubt-2nd Theodore Roosevelt book I read this year.  FANTASTIC!!!  About an excursion he took in the Amazon.  It was an era when there were still unknown places and men who wanted to explore them.  Description of flora, fauna, fish, and animals was intriguing and not boring or academic.  I could feel the fear and frustration, understand their luck and fortune, and yet could not imagine the physical and emotional feat they endured.  Stories like these, about the people who shaped our society, are the stories we still need to hear about!

26 The Alphabet Sisters-A fun light read.  Great author who's comfortable with the setting (Australia) and develops good characters.  This story's family and problems were believable and easy to relate. I ended with a warm feeling telling me that love feels good. 

27 Round Ireland with a Fridge-Let's grab something-ANYTHING-and go!  Inspiring tale of the author doing exactly what the title infers.  Does have a lot of English slang, but don't get tripped up in it.  

28 A Stone Boat-Excellent insight to cancer, death, and the emotions that come as part of the package. Did feel distracting because a definite time period was never established.  Would have been much better if the focus was more broadly on the family as a whole instead of specifically one character.  Favorite quote, "...if we all managed three weeks of feeling light, and easy and unconcerned, we could build up our depleted energy for the renewal of the battle.  And if the battle need never be renewed we will not have wasted this time by being happy."

29 Pastoralia-WHAT IS THIS????? PLEASE, SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT TO ME!

30 The Best Things Parents Do-Short vignettes, each identifying a different principle of parenting.  Doesn't get in depth on any topic, but was thought-provoking.  Most prevalent  topic was choices and consequences.

31 Second Hand-Title needed to be "Vintage/Retro" instead.  Well-written with great descriptions, but too many gratuitous scenes and too many f-words.  I didn't feel like the end was as shocking as I'd been lead to believe it would be.  The characters just got really depressing. 

32 Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal-The first part of this book was the most irreverent and offensive to me, in part because I didn't know what to expect.  The second part was story-telling of boyhood adventure.  The third part was the most believable (if you stretch).  There is a LOT of sex in this book and overall I didn't find the author particularly funny. 

33 The Stardust Lounge-True life account of a mother raising a rebellious teenage son.  Her strategy would not work for everyone, but she took an interesting angle in using the family pets to reconnect and repair their relationship.  

34 The Sun Also Rises-My first Hemingway novel.  Not knowing what to expect, I found it to be very readable.  It subtly captured the futility of life, how our roles are often less-than-ideal, and yet we accept living in them.

35 The Human Comedy-A simple and innocent story about a family in the World War eras.  The writing and characters are touching.  Without a lot of words the author draws you into the characters' curiosity, maturity, positivity, and pettiness.  Worth the few hours it took to get from cover to cover.