In My Heart On Thursday

"My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectation."

-Michael J. Fox,  A Funny Thing Happened On the Way To the Future

To Be Loved

I had the privilege to attend a talk by Elvin R. Tanner last week.  He is an accomplished psychologist and professor.  He and his wife live in my church ward and are such a great example.  Married more than 50 years, they still dote over each other and can count the number of arguments they've had on one hand.  The topic of the talk was love.  Any lecture with such generic subject matter has the possibility of being very bland, but my heart was touched.  The Lord gently reproved me for laziness in my most important relationships and encouraged me through expert advice to wake on a new day and share my love in the way He shares His love with me every day.

"Do you know how hard it is to love a porcupine?"

Think about that for a moment.  Originally the question was asked by a mother to her contentious teenage daughter (thanks, Emily, for sharing).  Tired of hearing her daughter proclaim, "You don't love me!", the mother decided to pull her aside and explain this very simple life lesson.  It changed their relationship tremendously.

Are teenagers the only prickly people on the planet?  Definitely not.  It is humbling to think of how I would hate to be greeted at the end of a work day by a grumbling spouse or harangued with a "honey-do" list a mile long and an equal amount of criticism to go along with it.  How would I react if every time I tried to get attention, the people most important in my life brushed me off with an abrupt, "I'm busy right now," or "I don't have time."  

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable." -Benjamin Franklin

Do you know a person without the desire to be loved?  Of course not.  But, how many people do you know who are completely content in all of their relationships?  There are some out there, and what a delight they are to know and learn from; their countenances truly shine.   I fear, however, that there are far more people out there in a situation similar to mine.  Quick to point out faults and pick apart weaknesses.  We're not a world full of Peggy Bundy bon-bon eaters, but we do spend too much effort wondering why our friends don't reach out to us more often and why our family members are distant.  

We need to pour out sincere, unselfish love on a daily basis.  It needs to become a habit in our everyday lives.  Learn what makes your husband smile and do it.  Pay attention to your child's latest passion, learn about it, and engage them.  Smile when your loved ones are around and surprise them with unexpected praise.  Maybe it's become a habit to complain with friends about everything wrong in the world.  Next time you get together, spread compliments around on what wonderful women they are.  Or, better yet, pay attention to their normal complaints and troubles. I guarantee we're missing out on ample opportunities for service and love when we spend our days only focusing on what we want and what we're missing. 

"You selected him."

A recent study concluded that women are stressed because their husbands are ugly. They determined that while courting and as newlyweds, we are blinded to a person's look by the good things they do and love they pour out upon us.  Over the years, as the courting ends we're left with the less-than-attractive facade covering a realistically attractive inner being.  My husband and I have gotten a fair share of joking out of these findings, but there is real inspiration in it.  In most cases the person we wed on our wedding day is the same person we were married to the next day and the same person we are still married to today.  Our rose-colored glasses may be fading enough to allow us to see some of their shortcomings, but those have probably existed from day one and they may have even been endearing way back then.  

My point is, he's the person you chose to fall in love with.  I'm not implying that the world is inhabited by women who hate the man their married to, but we do, as whole, tend to be a little critical.  We knit-pick and nag.  I'm suggesting that the next time we feel the fleeting urge to complain again about the dirty socks on the floor or argue about who should change the oil in the car, that we should stand back and sneak a look at the man standing before us.  I hope the person we allow ourselves to see standing before us is the man and the tender spirit we chose to love all those years ago.

"Love is a spiritual attitude. As you love God, love your mate."

Love is a gift from God.  He has given it to us asking little in return.  To spread it amongst the people we meet.  To make the world a better place by sharing love with others.  To remember Him and all we have been given.  

This was my "ah-ha" moment while listening to this lecture on love.  My Heavenly Father has given me more love than I deserve and continues to pour it out upon me.  His Son made the sacrifice to come to the Earth and leave a followable example of how to administer love perfectly.  There is not a chance that my earthly relationships will flourish if I am not fully cultivating my spiritual relationship with they who embody the essence of love.  As I become closer to them, pray to them, and seek for guidance, I will discover greater strength and desire to spread love to the people in my home, my community, and the world.  The more I study the creators of love, the more I will understand the way it works and the good it can do.  I will be more accepting of myself, more genuine to my friends, more serving to my family.  

My desire on this Valentine's Day is that we, as women, will have the desire to find love within ourselves.  Love who we are.  Love the people we have chosen and have been given.  Love people who haven't asked for love.  And love the One who has given us the opportunity.

In My Heart On Thursday

Taking a break from thoughtful quotes today-my computer exploded and the new won't arrive until Friday, but all is not a terrible mess! 

While sitting in the basement of the library, surrounded by noisy high schoolers, and checking my email on the public computer, I've discovered that Clean Sheets On Sunday has gifted me the Versatile Blogger Award!

What an uplifting way to end my week!  Now it's my turn to send a blogging smile along it's way...I'm excited to pass this award on to the blogs listed below.  Make sure you check them out!

My Lifetime Subscription

Roots of Simplicity

The Great and Random Wanderings of Cannwin

Ninth Street Notions

Timeless

Promise I'll have something interesting to say as soon as the UPS man makes his delivery!

In My Heart On Thursday

"I will not fail you, my love.  I will continue on the path we shared, and I know you will be there to help me, as you always were.  And when we meet again at the journey's end, and we laugh together once more, I will have a thousand things to tell you."

-Noor Al Hussein, Leap of Faith; Memoirs of an Unexpected Life

Learning From Memory

Le Havre, France.  Not a town most people would know or remember.  Probably it's only claim to fame is being a logistically decent place for cruise ships to stop and send their passengers off for day tours of Omaha Beach and other noteworthy WWII sites.  Give me a few paragraphs, though, to convince you of it's redeeming property.

Travel back in time with me to April 2008.  My husband Ben and I, with our 1-yr-old son Beck, set off on a celebratory tour of the continent of Europe.  Ben had finally finished his bachelor's degree so we packed our bags, got on a plane, and flew away!  Not until we were halfway across the Atlantic Ocean did we realize we'd left behind an important piece of equipment.

This is Beck:

No, he isn't what we left behind. But, at age one, you can imagine that Beck was an incredibly mobile child-not yet walking, but more than willing to get himself somewhere in a high-speed crawl.  Even at his best, however, we could hardly expect him to make do on his own for 6 weeks of budget traveling.

Figured out what the missing equipment was yet?  We'd left our backpack carrier in the car at home.  All of a sudden the idea of carrying a squirming, wiggly baby in our arms for hours and hours and days and days seemed daunting.  It was the first time we'd considered that traveling with a child might not be fun.

Enter Le Havre.  We happened to be there at the beginning of our journey and an angel of a tourism official directed us to a second-hand store where we might be able to find redemption.  She seemed ashamed not to be able to send us to a fancy department store.  We gave prayers of gratitude that our first unexpected purchase with euros might not break the bank.

This is the store:

Neither Ben or I speak French and the shopkeeper of this adorable store knew very little English.  After a lot of pointing at Beck and then at our backs, we found ourselves following this nice lady out of her store and up three flights of stairs next door.  She unlocked a door and offered up her entire store room for us to find what we were looking for.  We were inundated with choices and she let us try on everyone.  Grateful and overwhelmed we finally settled on the pack we liked and hoped we had enough money in our pockets.  Truth is, to this day I don't know how much we paid for that backpack carrier.  What I do know is that it was worth it's weight in gold!

This is the pack: 

Honestly, it was perfect!  Beck slept in it, ate in it, laughed in it, played in it.  He rode on our backs through  eight countries.  It was incredibly comfortable and I carried him on my back for six of the seven miles on the Cinque Terre Trail in Italy.  That accomplishment is still a feather in my cap!  We have searched high and low and haven't found this exact backpack anywhere.  They don't exist.  But we have one.  It's our little miracle.

Why, you're asking, am I taking you on this trip down memory lane?  I mentioned in my New Year's post and also my Wandering Still post that my goal for a year from now is to be traveling and exploring exotic locations.  Ben and I have finally talked it out sensibly and we are really going to make it happen!  We have debts to pay before we can start the planning, but knowing that he knows how important is to me has given me the hope I needed to start openly dreaming.  

These are the lessons: 

     ~We've done it before.  Let people be confused and think we're being irrational.  Kids travel and we wouldn't think of leaving them home.

    ~Things will most certainly not go completely as planned.  We'll forget things and there may be setbacks and delays.  That makes journeying all the more exhilarating.

    ~I love my family.  I easily get bogged down in my day-to-day.  Life doesn't magically become perfect when I pack my bags and sail away.  My husband and two cute boys are going to be there along the way.  If I can learn to make the most of the time I have here with them, they'll make sure we live life to the fullest when they're out there (wherever there may be) with me. And that is all I'm hoping for.

And lastly:

    ~Don't leave the backpack carrier in the car at home!