The Final Days

A few weeks ago I mentioned a blogging grant I'd applied for.  At the time it was a bit of a pipe-dream.  Since then an opportunity has opened up to take my little dream and make it into something big.  To say I'm excited would be A ridiculous understatement. 

The dream is going forward. This grant would be the icing on the cake.  Will you help by voting and sharing the link with your friends?  Voting ends April 15 and you can vote daily.  

EXPLORING OUT MY FRONT DOOR 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints held their annual General Conference this weekend.  Available almost immediately world-wide via internet streaming and radio broadcast, I still appreciate the blessing of living in Utah and being able to watch it live on network tv.  This year I tried to keep my boys interested with coloring pages and crafts that taught the names of the leaders who were speaking.  For the first time in many years I was able to enjoy all four sessions without too many child distractions.  

So many of the messages spoke directly to troubles or worries I have in my life, but the talk I can't get out of my head today was by Elder Lynn G. Robbins.

The difference between "doing" and "being."  I asked my husband last night what he needs from me-how I can be a better wife and make his life more enjoyable.  I was expecting a long list of chores like "put away the laundry instead of leaving it folded in the clothes basket for a week" and "have all the toys put away when I get home from work at the end of the day."  Instead he poured out his heart with his desires for me to remember the beautiful person I was when we were first together.  He didn't have a big gold star to award me when I finished a checklist of household duties.  Instead he shared the pain he feels as he sees me pulling away from him and our kids, and his fear that one day I will wake up not able to remember what it means to be happy.

Now, there's no need to rush out and put me into therapy.  I have spent a lot of time lately very introverted and selfishly looking only at me.  There's a slippery slope in that and I've allowed myself to start down it.  Not too far down, though and to see that today is very refreshing.

The reason it matters to me so much all of a sudden?  A great opportunity to fulfill a dream has opened up unexpectedly.  It's the right time and will be incredibly successful, but I don't have my cards in order.  Quite a few other messages given this weekend stressed the importance of being ready for the blessings of eternity when they become available to you.  Obviously I'm already married and have two beautiful little boys; what I've neglected to work on is my time management and putting them at the center of my life.  It's hard to convince them that starting a huge new endeavour won't leave them even more in the peripheral of my eye.

And so, that is what I am starting on today.  Rededicating myself to the small and simple things-daily prayer and scripture study, listening and praising, putting away the laundry and maybe even helping wash the dishes.  The other project is going to move forward and that's exciting as well as scary.  Hopefully re-creating the strength of love for my family, myself, and my relationship with my Heavenly Father will be the piece of the puzzle that makes this upcoming venture attainable.

In My Heart On Thursday

"The nursery rhyme ends when a spider comes along and frightens Miss Muffet straight off her tuffet.  I have wondered about what kind of lesson this is for a young girl.  If you're eating your curds and whey and a spider comes along, I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a newspaper, smashing it, and going back to your breakfast."

-Sloane Crosley, How Did You Get This Number

Back In the Day-Walking Through Fountains

This photo comes from the time in my life I like to call my "fountain days."  What happy memories come flooding back as I think about the free-spirit I was back then feeling the invitation of refreshing bubbling water.  And its impossible to think about fountain-hopping without also thinking of my old friend Jason.

I started college when the internet was still a novelty.  Sitting in the campus library I signed up on a Christian dating site and quickly met two fantastic people.  One of those people was Jason and it was only a matter of months before I hopped on a plane to New Jersey to meet him. My mom dropped me off at the airport a little confused and a lot scared and horrified.  I figured that out when I didn't think to call her upon arrival and she hunted me down by phone at Jason's grandmothers home.(Important clarification: Jason and I were always just friends.  Our hotel rooms always had two beds and we never even held hands.  I'm not sure my family has ever believed me.)

I learned a lot of important life lessons while cavorting around the country to meet Jason.  Here area few of the gems that stayed with me:

Always have food available for the needy.
I met Jason's grandmother that very first weekend.  In her kitchen drawer, where you and I might keep the dishtowels or utensils, she had a full stock of SPAM, just in case somebody ever stopped by collecting for the food bank.

There really is a wrong side of the tracks.
On a business trip in Baltimore, Jason's company put us up in the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in .  One night while out on a walk we crossed a bridge and immediately found ourselves in the most run-down neighborhood I've ever been in.  I was terrified and even Jason gave pause as we walked in one block, over one block, and out one block.  A girl followed two steps behind singing the theme from "Reading Rainbow" until we reached the bridge where she stopped and we high-tailed it back to luxury.

Security guards do a lot of looking at you funny, not much anything else.
Washington D.C. is fountain mecca and where I took my first wet foray.  (Don't panic, I never got up the nerve to actually walk through the reflecting pool on the National Mall!) This is where I also learned that the Benjamin Franklin monument is very slippery and that getting on a subway train while soaking wet is a freezing cold terrible idea.

I don't know why I eat the way I do.
Slipping into a local diner and sharing an order of fries, Jason looked perplexed when I quit eating halfway through.  When he asked why I answered without thinking, "Those ones don't have ketchup on them."  Only then did I realize I had that little oddity.  I pour ketchup all over the top of my fries and quit eating as soon as the ketchup-ed fries are gone.

Any place can be interesting.
Several times Jason's work took him to Killeen, TX, and I'd meet him down there.   Killeen, TX, is to pawn shops what Washington D.C. is to water fountains.  Aside from the military base there is no reason to go there.  South of Killeen, however, is Georgetown, TX, and a beautiful bed and breakfast with rooms in the carriage house.  Heading north halfway to my home in Iowa you'll find Wichita, KS-also a very boring city.  But if you're their on the right night you'll witness the most incredible lightening storm and then have the adventure of getting stuck in flash flooding.

Criminals can look just like you and me.
Jason always told me his older brother had been exiled from the country for bank embezzling.  Once while on a country drive he nonchalantly asked if I'd ever done anything illegal and then told me the details of his entrepreneurial side business producing fake credit cards for teenagers.  One of the last times I saw him he got notice that he was to have a meeting at the Pentagon and shortly after that a letter letting me know he wouldn't be contacting me anymore.  Either the most elaborate "Hey, I don't want to see you anymore" I've ever received, or a guy who got himself into some big trouble.  I'm still leaning towards the later.

And that's a shame.  I will forever look back on that relationship as one of the truest and most free of my lifetime.  The adventures we had and experiences I gained still make my happy heart leap.  We all need that one moment in time where the person we're with and the places we are fit magically into place and continue making us feel giddy, happy, goofy, and free no matter how it ended or where it led.

Now you're heard mine, so tell me, when were your "fountain days?" 

In My Heart On Thursday

"Every day when you see what another person needs to do better,

 improve that thing in yourself."

                                                                                                         -Ben, my husband