Why Don't We Learn?

I'm tired of being humbled. Honestly. Why not just learn a lesson, catalog it in the "I Will Never Do That Again" file and then (imagine this) never do that again. The scenario: A person in my circle of acquaintances grates me the wrong way. It's not always the same person; it's not always only one person at a time. Today it is a young married couple living down the street. Most likely they are great human beings. They have never done anything to personally wrong me or my family. I just don't like them. (To lessen my guilt, let me assume I'm not the only person who has ever encountered this sort of irrational behavior). What happens next? Tragedy strikes that family-an unborn child with major health defects and the probability of the pregnancy being terminal. It's not always tragedy, of course, but it never fails that at some point I'm slammed in the face with the reality that that person is human and has worries and troubles just like me. Instead of being able to jump right in and offer support, I'm forced to first work around the huge stumbling block I've placed in front of me. As religious people, we are instructed to "Love thy neighbor as thyself," and that charity and love "conquereth all things. " What makes it so much more comfortable to live in distance and with ill feelings than to put forth outstretched arms? I recently wrote about judgement and how destructive it can be, but this seems to be different entirely. These scenarios are usually completely unprovoked and based on nothing I have seen or heard. It's merely a bad taste I get in my mouth that I allow to fester somewhere within me. Being humbled continuously is tiring. We need humility in order to grow. I will start again today to move onto a new lesson in hopes that I don't find myself repeating this one again in the next little bit of time.

Who do you Judge?

How can we support and strengthen other people and their families? Stop Judging. Too many people in the world today are dealing with situations and circumstances they never would have imagined into their own life stories: unplanned pregnancies, broken marriages, alternative lifestyles, addictions. These are not usually things families invite upon themselves. Yet, they are happening every day and people are forced to decide how they are going to deal with the events that come their way. Where there is love and a close connection between family members and friends, less than ideal events like these are often met with compassion, support, forgiveness, and leniency. Can the same be said when tragedy or upheaval is happening to the neighbor down the street, the colleague down the hall, or the parishioner sitting in the pew in front of you? It is much easier to sit in our homes or around the table at the coffee shop and pass judgement on people and families who are having difficult times. Disapproval and reproach do no better in bringing about help and encouragment than would completely ignoring and avoiding the situation all together. Most of us have enough prudence not to appear so hateful and uncaring when confronting the afflicted directly, but do we really think that our "true" feelings and distaste are hidden? I guarantee you they are not. If we honestly desire to support and strengthen the people and families around us, we need to be sincere and offer understanding. In thinking we are above their lot in life, we only add to the sorrow and hurdles which they face. A parent dealing with a wayward child needs their entire focus on that child. The child will suffer more if his parents are dealing not only with their own feelings of failure and disappointment but also the stress of being under the neighborhood microscope. This is true regardless of the circumstances, and most of us know how it feels to be the person being judged. Not a single person on this earth is going to make it through their lifetime here on earth without a few bumps in the road. When it is your turn and your friends or familiy are hurting, my heartfelt prayer is that you emerge on the other end feeling stronger and closer together. Likewise, if you find yourself right now coasting along and enjoying the scenery, be mindful that exercising your most divine qualities (compassion, generosity, and humility) could mean the difference between a family that falters and a family that grows.

News: It can happen in our neighborhood

My neighborhood is divided up into groups of 10 homes which meet periodically for safety and emergency preparedness meetings. I'd not been able to attend the impromptu gatherings since moving into the area, and so it was with baited breath that my husband and I accepted the invitation to meet in a neighbor's home this past Sunday. What an interesting time we had. In an hour's time we discussed water storage and rotation, 72-hour kits for babies, and the possibility of pandemics and quarantines. Most thought-provoking, however, was the story used to open the meeting. Friday afternoon on the way home from work, a local man took notice of several young neighborhood girls following behind an unfamiliar gentleman. It wasn't until after the man had continued up the street, parked his car, and entered his house that it occurred to him something might not be right. He walked back down the street to where the gentleman and the girls were gathered and noticed that each child was holding a small bit of tuna fish in her cupped hands. The gentleman explained that he had "lost his cat" and was employing the help of these girls to find it. The man asked the girls if they knew this man (or if their parents did) and when one of the older girls replied that her mom knew him, the man returned home. After explaining what was happening to his wife, his own son remarked, "Oh, yeah, he's looking for his cat." Knowing that two of the girls were quite young-under the age of 5-he picked up the telephone and called their mother. Her reaction was, "They asked if they could go and I told them no." As the man sat thinking about how many of the young neighborhood children were following along behind this unknown stranger, he thought to call the mother who reportedly knew the gentleman. Confused, she replied that she did not know the man, but had talked to him some time earlier about his lost cat. Her daughter, seeing her mother talking to him, assumed he was a family friend and didn't question any further whether it was safe to go with him. Now, close to an hour after the time when the local man had first taken notice of the gentleman and his entourage, he decided to call the authorities. By the time the police officer arrived, however, the man had gone. With a license plate number and a name, the police officers located his address and decided to begin a search there, working they're way back to our neighborhood with the hopes of intercepting him along the way. Ending his story at our meeting, the local man couldn't help but repeat over and over how unbelievable it was that so many people up involved (including himself) had completely dropped the ball on this situation. A strange man, in tow with a handful of our trusting young neighborhood children walking down the street and their parents at home not thinking to keep an eye out on them. I've heard this story repeated a few times now, and each time the immediate reaction is shock and fear that this could have happened on their street with no one looking. It turned out, in the end, that the gentleman truly had lost his cat while on a business call to a house around the corner. The reaction, though, is to ask what right-thinking person in this day and age approaches and employs the help of small children in an area where he is unknown? What can we do? All parents teach their children not to talk to strangers, but we make strangers out to be mean and scary people. This man was quite friendly and simply looking for his cute little kitten. Many schools in this area put their student's through a program called radKIDS. According to their website, the program is intended to empower children and teach them how to "resist aggression defensively." I don't know if any of these girls have had that training. Regardless, they didn't seem to have heeded any warnings they may have ever been giving as they followed this gentleman down the street armed with tuna fish. I had my own personal experience once while baby-sitting with a young child who had graduated from rad. She was quite certain she did not need any parameters or boundaries while we were attending a city-sponsored outdoor concert. Staying in my line of sight was not important to her, she screamed at me, because she'd been to radKIDS. What about the way adults react in these types of situations? After attending our neighborhood meeting, I feel comforted knowing that so many people are watching their surroundings and are keeping aware of things that seem unusual, but with that we also have to react. I do not for one minute want to criticize or second-guess the parents who were aware there was someone new in the neighborhood. I do not know their circumstances. Every time I've heard the story repeated, though, another adult or two has said, "Oh, yeah, he knocked on my door," or "I saw him getting out of his van." Yet, it took an hour for someone to finally decide this might not be right and take any action. In a matter of moments, young girls from a number of our neighborhood families could have been willingly led right into a van and driven away without anybody noticing. We need to not be afraid to step out of our comfort zone to approach a situation that seems not quite right. We need to have confidence that the proper authorities will respond quickly and appropriately. Our children need to understand that a stranger can be the friendliest person they've ever met, and yet it's still not okay to let their guard down. This week in this neighborhood we need to hug our children and thank our neighbors and agree to more actively participate in watching out for one another.