Oh Boy

My house stinks! It has been nice in Utah lately so the windows can be wide open, but as soon as they're closed my nose thinks it's standing in a public swimming pool shower room. I've tried every air freshening technique on the earth and nothing has taken it away. Going out of my mind a few days ago, I asked Ben, "Do you think it smells in here? What do you think the smell is?" Without looking up from his book he replied, "It stinks like perfume and candles." I share this story not to start a fight with my husband, but to illustrate a topic that's recently been on my mind: how am I supposed to raise a boy. I grew up in a family with six girls and remember friends and relatives jovially laying on us a curse to have all boys when we were grown. So far the ratio of boys to girls in our up-and-coming generation is 4:2. To that we could send a curse back on all their heads! Raising Beck has been pretty easy thus far, but Ben is gone quite a bit and will be more so as we move into summer. I wonder what kind of impact that might have on Beck and whether there is anything I can do to counteract it. Also, I figured it was about time I start to figure out how this person we call a boy will think and develop differently than the little girls with which I'm much more familiar. I'm not looking to get caught up in the trends of the day or a bunch of scientific mumbo-jumbo, but do want a knowledge and better understanding of how Beck's brain is developing and what I can do as a parent to help him grow up confident and happy. Fortunately, I found a book titled The Wonder of Boys by Michael Gurian which so far has given me some insightful information. Reading first about the way an infant boy's brain develops differently than a girl's encouraged me to continue along with my questioning. Generally, the part of the brain connecting the two sides of the brain has far fewer/slower connectors in young boys than in young girls. Having more connectors helps girls to multi-task while the development of the connectors in a boy's brain later manifest themselves in a singularly task-oriented approach to work and activities. More simply put, boys will tend to complete one project or thought before moving onto the next, while girls are working on several different ideas at a time. I know I see that difference between myself and Ben, and so it was interesting to understand the reasoning behind it. The next information I found intriguing in the book actually quite surprised me. Not because I don't believe it's true, but because it's not a topic the mainstream media emphasizes anymore. Mr. Gurian stressed the need to use strong men in the Bible, Koran, and other scriptures as role models for our sons. We teach our kids the great stories from the scriptures, but I'm intrigued by the idea of really using the men in those stories as guides and examples of who they can become. If we're faith-believing people, then we believe Moses, Noah, Nephi, or Alma were living breathing people to be studied and looked up to for their strengths and their weaknesses. Boys need those examples to emulate as they learn to make choices of their own. A particular stress has been made in what I've read so far for boys to have a large group of people surrounding them as they learn and grow. This will be the part that is hardest for me. I'm private and independent and I've known from the day Beck was born that branching out would be difficult for me. I'm extremely fortunate, in that regard, to have Ben's family so close and so outreaching. The number of cousins for Beck to watch and learn from is an initial blessing, but his uncles are outwardly loving and active and a little crazy and create an additional comfort to me. I'm grateful as I look forward, as well, for programs in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that place a focus on raising healthy and happy boys. Without me having to step too far out of my comfort zone, those two communities will always be there to provide an additional support system. My little boy is growing. He's already two! Having a question in my head on how to raise him and then starting to research that question has assured me that I'm doing okay. I know that I need to play with him more when Ben's away and when Ben's home I need to let the two of them rough-house until they cry. I know that one day Beck won't want as many hugs from me and won't be so cute smelling candles with me while we're shopping. But he is going to grow up loving me and that already means everything.

It's All in What You Do

Everyone of us has a decision to make upon waking each morning. Our sequence of daily choices works as a conveyor belt moving us ever closer to the idealized person we can see in our dreams. My question today is whether or not people's perceptions of us reflect that person we want to be. Several events over the past few days have led me to take an inward look at my daily interactions with friends and family and re-evaluate the choices I consistently make. More accurately, in my case, to re-evaluate the choices I avoid making by keeping quiet and avoiding confrontation. Sunday afternoon I was excited to attend the final session of the Draper Temple dedication. As I sat with two other people I tried to focus on the beautiful photography being shown and music being played. I wanted to feel the sacredness of the moment and feel the peace that only the temple can bring. However, it wasn't long before I found myself drawn into the conversation going on beside me. We laughed and enjoyed each other's company (which is also appropriate and important in the temple) but the conversation too often focused on the shortcomings of another person we know. Although our thoughts were shared with love and understanding of that person's situation, our hearts too keenly desired to release the frustration we had been feeling. This conversation continued for nearly two hours outside in the car after the dedication had ended. Last night Ben and I watched a news program on ABC called What Would You Do? We were appalled as scenarios were set up and unsuspecting people unquestioningly did whatever it was they were asked to do. We watched a middle-aged lady put drugs in some body's soda and customers ignore a blatant discrimination attack. The most unbelievable sketch, though, was watching person after person steal a baby from a grocery store because a stranger with a badge had asked them for their help. We were appalled and asking, "Who would do that? Who wouldn't think it was strange for a cop to be asking a complete stranger at the last minute to do that?" The final situation that tied these all together came in a phone conversation this morning. I was taken off guard by a comment that was made and quickly took the comfortable road of mumbling evasive agreements like, "Oh," and "Huh." Not really adding to the conversation and the opinion, but not detracting from it either. That's the way I did or would have dealt with all three of these situations. In the first and the third I had every opportunity to speak up and share my feelings that the conversation was not appropriate or that the opinions could be very hurtful, especially being conveyed in such a way. The gravity of my passive behaviour, though, only really came to light as I thought about the show and the kidnapped baby. Of course I would not have any part of a situation like the one portrayed and so I was feeling pretty good about myself for that. Just like avoiding a beggar, I would have diverted my eyes and hurried along my way. Then Ben asked, "Why aren't any of them immediately calling the police to say a weirdo is outside the grocery store trying to steal a baby?" That thought had never crossed my mind (or his until that moment). Assuming the situation were real, I would have been as much at fault for the tragic outcome merely by not doing anything. Is any of this ringing true in anyone else's ears? Maybe not this exact character weakness, but something you know you do that is contradictory to the person you want to be? Thinking about it has already helped me and I feel more at ease with myself because of it. After hanging up this morning, I called two people who really know me and expressed to them the way I was feeling. Then, with their encouraging words, I followed up with a response I could feel good about. One that I hope showed I wasn't taking sides or looking poorly upon that person, but that showed I understood the concerns of both parties involved and hoped it could be addressed without me being in the middle. That's a big step for me and I hope tomorrow I wake up able to build on that step. My hope for every person I know and love is that they are able to find themselves doing the same. What is the thing you can do today that will enable you to wake up tomorrow one step closer to that person you dream to be?

I LOVE free stuff! And I LOVE handmade gifts, so taking a cue from Annie's blog here it is: I hereby commit to offer the first five individuals to comment on this post a homemade gift of my choosing; Be sure to be one of the first five people to respond to this post. In order to post a comment, you have to first post this on your own blog and agree to do the same for another five people (So maybe a lot of people reading my blog don't have their own, but agree to the second part and I'll hold up on my end of the deal). You in turn have the opportunity to be the recipient of a fun homemade gift from me. There are of course some restrictions: 1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make or that I will like the way it turns out. 2. What I create will be just for you (Kathy & Kimberly-I may reserve the right to consider responses from you actually from your unborn babies...) 3. This thing will be completed sometime this year. 4. You have no clue what it will be and I'm pretty sure I don't either. 5. I reserve the right to do something extremely strange.

A Lot of Thinking

How far back do your actions set you? This question popped into my head during church a few weeks ago and at the time I had a very specific incident in mind between Ben and my brothers-in-law. I wanted him to realize that simple decisions like which movie to watch or which television show to quote may speak volumes louder than his most genuine example of standing uprightly. Sitting through the rest of church other events ran through my mind:

• Raising your voice at a child when you're trying to teach him to use his indoor voice or the proper way to deal with anger
• Gossiping to a person with whom you've worked hard to build trust
• Slacking at your job or
• Breaking your word by neglecting a commitment or responsibility

Surprisingly, while thinking of these different situations I didn't allow myself to feel down about myself or the things that I am doing. I recognize that I'm human and sometimes do things I later wish I hadn't. Every one of us does. Knowing and admitting this can help us be more aware of how what we're doing and saying may be perceived. Believe it! We have the ability to change our own course of action and determine whether we will be better people one day. The longer I pondered this whole idea, the more I was reminded of another thought I had a few months ago around election time. Trying to reconcile the nation's choice with my own concerns and worries, I wondered, "What do you do after you've done all you can do?" The answer, of course, is get out of bed every morning, try to make the people around you smile, and try your best to stand strong for what you believe. Reflecting on these two questions together can help us find enlightenment. Most of us are good people trying hard to do good things every day. We want our children to feel protected and loved while they learn and grow. We want our friends and family to smile when they think of us and our co-workers to strive to work harder beside us. We make mistakes, but when we're humble enough to see the damage that's been done, we'll find the strength to try again the next day. If we can wake up and realize that yesterday was actually a pretty good day, then the foundation has been laid and the mistakes we make tomorrow may be a little bit smaller than the ones we make today. Building day by day and one mis-step at a time, we'll make it where we're trying to go and hopefully we'll made a positive impression along the way.

For His Future

Dear Baby Beck,

You are 1-1/2 years old now and today was your first Presidential Inauguration Day. After two long years of political campaigning and an historical election we watched today as Barack Hussein Obama took the oath of office and became the 44th President of the United States of America.

I know that you are going to learn in school all the reasons and ways this day was epic and precedent-breaking. Our nation has a deep history reaching back hundreds of years. Our countrymen have shown themselves to be humble and brave while standing up for each other and forming a new union, as well as prideful and afraid while denying fellow human beings the right to live freely in that union. Hopefully now we can finally say, "Today is a new day and when we awake to meet the day tomorrow may that be a new day, too."

Beck your dad and I want the absolute best for you. Already you are beautiful and intelligent. I know the world holds promise and hope for you. I pray the happiness and innocence I saw in you today may always lead and guide you. You dad got home from work early today and we watched the inaugural parade together as a family with you sitting curled up on his lap. You were so excited for all the music and the marching bands. It made us laugh as you shouted out "trombone" when each one passed (even though you have no reason to know the word "trombone" and we actually have no idea what you were repeatedly saying). With each passing parade entry the camera moved in for a close shot of President Obama waving at the crowd and you smiled, waved back, and shouted, "HI!"

I don't know, Beck, if you will ever shake the hand of the leader of these 50 states, but I do know he (and someday she) will always serve you to the best of his abilities. The world may decay and we may not escape unaffected, but we live in the United States of America and as long as we have a freely elected president, we will be free. We may not always agree with his policies and politics, but the Lord has promised great blessings on this nation if its people will live righteously.

Beck, you are an American and there is nothing you can't do and nowhere you can't go if you have the faith to live righteously. As Americans we are charged with the responsibility to help our fellow citizens. As a child of God our privilege is so much more. Serve those around you. Let the light of love shine in your eyes. Embrace who you are and believe in who you can become. Trust that the Lord has a dream for you and your family and live each day trying to reach that dream. These are the things which will bring you happiness. The freedom to achieve that happiness makes this nation great.

Today's inauguration was only one of many historic national events you will witness in your lifetime. Try to experience each one of them, indeed each day, with the excitement and emotion you were surrounded with today.

Always know I love you. Your dad is setting next to me and tells me he loves you. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins love you. Our prayer is for you to grow strong, embrace who you are, and serve the Heavenly Father who has placed you here in this country at this time on the earth. My comfort and strength is in knowing that every blessing of heaven is available to you. I feel blessed to have shared this important historical time with you and your daddy and am looking forward to many more!

With Love,

Mommy