In My Heart On Thursday

"The nursery rhyme ends when a spider comes along and frightens Miss Muffet straight off her tuffet.  I have wondered about what kind of lesson this is for a young girl.  If you're eating your curds and whey and a spider comes along, I don't think there's anything wrong with picking up a newspaper, smashing it, and going back to your breakfast."

-Sloane Crosley, How Did You Get This Number

Back In the Day-Walking Through Fountains

This photo comes from the time in my life I like to call my "fountain days."  What happy memories come flooding back as I think about the free-spirit I was back then feeling the invitation of refreshing bubbling water.  And its impossible to think about fountain-hopping without also thinking of my old friend Jason.

I started college when the internet was still a novelty.  Sitting in the campus library I signed up on a Christian dating site and quickly met two fantastic people.  One of those people was Jason and it was only a matter of months before I hopped on a plane to New Jersey to meet him. My mom dropped me off at the airport a little confused and a lot scared and horrified.  I figured that out when I didn't think to call her upon arrival and she hunted me down by phone at Jason's grandmothers home.(Important clarification: Jason and I were always just friends.  Our hotel rooms always had two beds and we never even held hands.  I'm not sure my family has ever believed me.)

I learned a lot of important life lessons while cavorting around the country to meet Jason.  Here area few of the gems that stayed with me:

Always have food available for the needy.
I met Jason's grandmother that very first weekend.  In her kitchen drawer, where you and I might keep the dishtowels or utensils, she had a full stock of SPAM, just in case somebody ever stopped by collecting for the food bank.

There really is a wrong side of the tracks.
On a business trip in Baltimore, Jason's company put us up in the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in .  One night while out on a walk we crossed a bridge and immediately found ourselves in the most run-down neighborhood I've ever been in.  I was terrified and even Jason gave pause as we walked in one block, over one block, and out one block.  A girl followed two steps behind singing the theme from "Reading Rainbow" until we reached the bridge where she stopped and we high-tailed it back to luxury.

Security guards do a lot of looking at you funny, not much anything else.
Washington D.C. is fountain mecca and where I took my first wet foray.  (Don't panic, I never got up the nerve to actually walk through the reflecting pool on the National Mall!) This is where I also learned that the Benjamin Franklin monument is very slippery and that getting on a subway train while soaking wet is a freezing cold terrible idea.

I don't know why I eat the way I do.
Slipping into a local diner and sharing an order of fries, Jason looked perplexed when I quit eating halfway through.  When he asked why I answered without thinking, "Those ones don't have ketchup on them."  Only then did I realize I had that little oddity.  I pour ketchup all over the top of my fries and quit eating as soon as the ketchup-ed fries are gone.

Any place can be interesting.
Several times Jason's work took him to Killeen, TX, and I'd meet him down there.   Killeen, TX, is to pawn shops what Washington D.C. is to water fountains.  Aside from the military base there is no reason to go there.  South of Killeen, however, is Georgetown, TX, and a beautiful bed and breakfast with rooms in the carriage house.  Heading north halfway to my home in Iowa you'll find Wichita, KS-also a very boring city.  But if you're their on the right night you'll witness the most incredible lightening storm and then have the adventure of getting stuck in flash flooding.

Criminals can look just like you and me.
Jason always told me his older brother had been exiled from the country for bank embezzling.  Once while on a country drive he nonchalantly asked if I'd ever done anything illegal and then told me the details of his entrepreneurial side business producing fake credit cards for teenagers.  One of the last times I saw him he got notice that he was to have a meeting at the Pentagon and shortly after that a letter letting me know he wouldn't be contacting me anymore.  Either the most elaborate "Hey, I don't want to see you anymore" I've ever received, or a guy who got himself into some big trouble.  I'm still leaning towards the later.

And that's a shame.  I will forever look back on that relationship as one of the truest and most free of my lifetime.  The adventures we had and experiences I gained still make my happy heart leap.  We all need that one moment in time where the person we're with and the places we are fit magically into place and continue making us feel giddy, happy, goofy, and free no matter how it ended or where it led.

Now you're heard mine, so tell me, when were your "fountain days?" 

In My Heart On Thursday

"Every day when you see what another person needs to do better,

 improve that thing in yourself."

                                                                                                         -Ben, my husband

    

The Devil Hates You

That's what my husband said to me last night.  I had just told him I was really unhappy and felt like I was being punished for 15 years of selfish decisions.  He saw it differently.  This is what he had to say:

We have two incredible children.  The older is brilliant and funny and incredibly hard to lead.  He lives life with complete emotion and isn't easily swayed to do what he knows is wrong.  The younger brought to earth the joy of heaven and a smile that can brighten even the darkest day.  They are both supported by the love of their Heavenly Father and my role is to raise them righteously.  As strong as they are, they will still need a mother who can teach them how to love and serve and rely on the powers of the Atonement in hopes of returning to live with their Father in Heaven.

The devil is aware.  He knows the struggle it's going to be to get at my children and attacks the target he sees as weak.  That's me.

"...and he shall wear out the saints of the most High..."-Daniel 7:25

A few weeks ago I read an enlightening commentary on the Devil as Accuser.  The author described Satan as the one who incites us to sin and then stands by to remind us, accuse us, and taunt us about every thing we have ever done wrong.  My husband equated the devil to "The Big Tattle-Tale." When he stands before God and brags about the terrible we are doing, the Lord turns away without giving his words one moment of thought.  Not to be rebuked, though, the devil retreats and returns to working on an audience more receptive to his message.

"And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ."-Revelations 12:17

It became clear to me after reading this article and doing my own study of the scriptures that Satan is after the righteous.  He has nothing to gain from a person living a life less than that.  That is the point my husband, last night, was making.  As I try to follow the commandments of God and raise my boys to make righteous choices, the devil attacks me.  He gets afraid of losing ground and when I don't make it easy for him he sends his minions to surround me with a constant barrage of evil thoughts, self doubt, and thoughts of giving in to make sure that he wins in the end.

"Submit yourselves, therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you...For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us...that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."-James 4:7, Romans 8:18,38-39

My night and conversation with my husband did not end with a great lightening of worries and cares; the devil's stronghold is hard to break.  But I was able to get out of bed this morning knowing that I have a new opportunity each day to access the blessings of the Savior's Atonement for me. The Devil may hate me, but the Lord has not given up on me.  He will protect me, and my boys, until that day when I can once again stand before Him full of humility and account that I tried my hardest with the life that was given to me.  

In My Heart On Thursday

"Living is like tearing through a museum.  Not until later do you really start absorbing what you saw, thinking about it, looking it up in a book, and remembering-because you can't take it all in at once."

-Audrey Hepburn, via Timeless-An Audrey Hepburn Inspired Blog