NICU Nurse Follow-Up

The nurse from the heart-wrenching photos. 

 She's incredible and a perfect example of every nurse we encountered in our own little hospital.

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Thankful Thirty #2

Source:  via Pinterest

The first 4 months of my last pregnancy were not pleasant.  I was exhausted and my body was broken down.  Feeling completely different than I did when I was pregnant with both my boys, every person I know had decided I must be carrying a girl.  I thought they must be right...but it didn't matter.  I was sick and being tested to the edge of what I could bear.

There were days it took all I had to pour cold cereal and turn on the television for Beck and Peyton before falling back into bed for the rest of the day.  It was on those days that I knew this was it for me.  Three babies was going to have to be what made up our family.  Doubled over and in tears I plead with the Lord to give me the strength and willpower to make it through my delivery and then apologized to my husband that this was going to have to be our last child.  Enduring another pregnancy was just not going to happen for me.

At the same time my husband was secretly pleading with the Lord to take this burden from me.  He was feeling guilty for the role he played in bringing this weakness upon me, and he was begging to be able to endure it for me.  As blessed as he knew we are to bring newborn spirits into our family, he admitted to God that he never wanted to see me feeling this way again.

We both knew this would be the completing of our family.

And here brings in the focus of my gratitude today:  The Lord knew too.  He heard our prayers and listened to our pleas.  He didn't chastise us for reacting in such a temporal moment, but wrapped his arms around our arms and answered back,

 "I believe you and I understand what you are going through. 

 I am near you and I will continue to be right here with you."

That is when we found out we were having twins.   

The Lord knew our hearts and recognized what he had asked of me.  Yet He also knew he had a plan for our family and it included more than just one more being.  He accepted my terms of defeat and did what he could to do to make sure His plan for us was complete.  If I, with my earthly mind and suffering, had decided to not be pregnant ever again, He sent the spirits He had left for us into the world together.

I do not know what our future holds.  There may be a day yet when we decide we do need to grow our family.  What I do know is that in the moment when I needed the Lord to accept all I had left to give to Him, he kept in mind His plan for me.  

I am grateful for a Heavenly Father 
so personally familiar with me and with His plan for me.

Thankful Thirty #1

Source: upliftconsulting.com via Cee on Pinterest

November could not have come at a better time for me with all it's thoughts of thankfulness.  Please join me this month as I focus daily on something in my life deserving a moment of extra gratitude.

Every once in a while something we've taken for granted or not paid attention to at all becomes strikingly meaningful.  This happened for me two months ago as I sat at home, awake late at night with my newborn babies miles away in our hospital NICU unit.  Watching television as a distraction, I watched a March of Dimes commercial intently for the very first time.  Never before I had really paid attention because never before had I considered the family the March of Dimes was helping could be mine.

It happened to me again this week as I watched live coverage of Superstorm Sandy hitting the eastern United States.  I was struggling with the feeling that this magnificently devastating storm was not moving me like I thought it would if it was happening somewhere else in the world.  And then came the images of precious but struggling newborn babies being evacuated at the height of the hurricane from the NICU unit of NYU Langone Medical Center.

This is the image that really did it for me...

Source: People.com

An ordinary nurse suddenly thrust into an extraordinary situation, curling over her tiny precious charge as together they brave the harsh elements raging all around them.

 It has reminded me today how grateful I am for the NICU nurses that so attentively watched over my little Jax and Lucca 24 hours a day for 16 days while I was unable to be with them.  Clocking in each day for a 12 hour shift where their sole responsibility was to make sure our defenseless wee ones had any possible thing they would need.  And assuring me that entrusting them with my two newest gifts from heaven was the way it needed to be.

Today I am grateful for those people in the world

who choose to live each day in the service of the littlest and weakest among us.  

In My Heart On Thursday (Dreams)

"Everyone has an official wish list of things they think are "reasonable". What about the unofficial wish list? The one that common sense tells you to ignore? The list that exists deep in your mind, the list that keeps you up at night, that makes your toes wiggle when you think of it? Why not choose that list for a change? How long have you dreamed of being, having, and doing what you really want? Think big, as when it comes to your goals, the size of your ambition does matter."

-First Rule of Success:  Be Decisive, Gary Ryan Blair

Saying Good-bye

Recently my boys' best friends moved with their family to North Carolina to be closer to their grandparents.  It was a sad day for us all.  Driving home from their house the night before his friends would leave, Beck and my husband had a tender conversation about how life changes from time to time.  It was one of those parenting moments when we wanted to wrap our arms around our little ones and protect them from all things sad that happen in the world.  

The truth is, it was sad for me to.  You see, I am supposed to be the one who moves away.  I do the leaving.  Working in the seasonal hospitality industry, it was my normal routine to move somewhere, make 2-3 close friends, and then wave good-bye as our contracts came to an end.  Some tears, some sincere attempts to keep in touch, and then we'd simply find ourselves on our merry way.  There are a few people I've kept in contact with over the years, but the reality of distance and time usually take their toll.  Thinking back on the fabulous people I've been blessed to know makes me smile and hold back tears simultaneously, but that's the life I have become accustomed to.

So when I tell you my boys' best friends moved away, I must also say that one of my good friends has moved away as well.  And it's a very new feeling to be the person left behind, to watch somebody else do the leaving.  Not because there aren't other people to hang around with, and not because I needed that relationship to validate me.  Rather, because the event represents everything changing in my life as settled down mother of four in suburban America.

Beck, Peyton, and I of course have other friends.  For me that is still the same as before-a small group of beautiful people who make me better just by knowing them.  Our old friends came into our lives when we joined an in-home Joy School, and now we've joined a new homeschool play group where we're getting to know a brand new group of people.  Our lives will go on, they will just never be quite the same.  

How have you helped your children deal with friends moving away?